Category: Legal Shit

Raven-Symoné Says Everyone She’s Dated Has Had To Sign An NDA

May 31, 2023 / Posted by:

Last week, Raven-Symoné pulled a Tom Sandoval and went on Howie Mandel’s podcast, Howie Mandel Does Stuff. 37-year-old Raven, who’s been married to Miranda Pearman-Maday since 2020, talked about dating while famous. Raven says that she used to make people she dated sign NDAs “right before the naughty time comes.” What a shame. Robbing countless normies of the chance to regale their friends with the tale of how they banged That’s So Raven.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Won’t Be Getting Her Ski Trial Legal Fees Back, After All

May 2, 2023 / Posted by:

The smugness and hilarity of Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson’s 8-day ski accident trial held us in a tight grip a few months ago and ended when the jury sided with Gwyneth and found Terry Sanderson at fault for the crash that caused her to miss “half a day of skiing,” and left him alleged health issues. This meant he’d be on the hook to pay Goopy her sanctimonious statement damages of $1, along with her legal fees. And just when we thought that was all over and a new sham of a case came along to captivate us (Jury Duty, of course), Goop and Terry are back in the news since their lawyers met and eventually agreed to drop the part about him paying her lawyers. 

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Kim Kardashian Said She’d Be “Just As Happy” Giving Up The Cameras And Working As A Full-Time Lawyer

April 26, 2023 / Posted by:

Though Pete Davidson’s now-obsoletemy girl’s a lawyer” tattoo wasn’t exactly accurate since Kim Kardashian has only so far passed the “baby bar” and not the BAR Bar, she revealed in her recent TIME100 interview that she plans to take it in 2025. So look out, world; a barrage of orchestrated pap shots of a bespectacled Kim cracking the books are sure to be on the way! But much to Kris Jenner’s managerial dismay, Kim also said that she could be happy giving up filming her every gynecology appointment and editing her trapezius muscles out of “candid” shots to just focus on being a lawyer and continuing her criminal justice reform work. “Mmmmhmmmm,” said everyone.

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One Of Alec Baldwin’s “Rust” Shooting Charges Was Dropped, Which Could Keep Him From Serving Jail Time 

February 20, 2023 / Posted by:

Sexy mamá oso Hilaria Baldwin can hang up her empathy titters and brew her coffee at home for a bit, because Alec Baldwin might’ve finally caught a break in his Rust shooting case. Alec is still facing involuntary manslaughter charges for firing the shots that killed Halyna Hutchins, but a “gun enhancement” charge he was also slapped with at the time of his indictment was just dropped after his attorney called on the Santa Fe District Attorney to throw that charge out since it wasn’t a law at the time the shooting occurred. Now that that charge is off the table, he may avoid jail time.

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Kanye West’s Lawyers Can’t Reach Him, So They Plan To Dump Him Via Newspaper Ad

January 17, 2023 / Posted by:

Hitler-humper and newly(fake)wed husband, Kanye West, should be celebrating reaching his goal of pissing off his ex-wife Kim Kardashian by parading around his new bootleg-Brigitte Nielsen “wife,” Bianca Censori. But, Kanye must be so blissful he straight up forgot he’s involved in legal proceedings with just about anyone he’s ever dealt with–because he changed his phone number and never alerted his legal team. And since they claim to have no other way of reaching him, they’ve decided to take out ads in two Los Angeles newspapers to let him know they’re dumping his ass.

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Elizabeth Holmes Will Be Sentenced Today, And She’s Asking For 18 Months On House Arrest While Prosecutors Want 15 Years In The Clink (UPDATE: She Got 11 Years)

November 18, 2022 / Posted by:

UPDATE: Well, so much for that cushy 18-month house arrest sentence she wanted. Elizabeth Holmes was sentenced to 11.25 years in the chokey and three years of supervised release. She’ll start serving her sentence in April 2023.

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Today is Scammers Reckoning Day for Elizabeth Holmes, the disgraced former CEO of bogus health tech company Theranos. Back in January, 38-year-old Elizabeth was found guilty on 4 out of 11 charges of fraud, and today she will finally be sentenced. Prosecutors are seeking a 15-year prison term for Elizabeth and want her to pay $800 million in restitution to investors she scammed, including the Walton family of Walmart, Rupert Murdoch, and Walgreens. Elizabeth’s lawyers are asking for a touch less: a mere 18 months on house arrest. They’re presenting her as a devoted mother. Elizabeth is married to 29-year-old hotel heir Billy Evans, and they have one child, a 1-year-old son, and a second on the way (yep, she’s pregnant again!). Wait, making babies can help you stay out of prison? Jen Shah, it’s time to unfreeze those eggs! Continue reading

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