I am eagerly awaiting all of the West children’s Mommie Dearest tell-all in about ten years, because I can only imagine the amounts of fuckery they experience on a daily basis. First off their father, Kanye West, truly does believe he’s Jesus and probably gives them their meals like it’s Communion. Then you have their mother, Kim Kardashian, who would surely turn to stone if anyone ever caught her not looking like porn’s answer to Morticia Addams. And these are the beauty standards she’s already placing on their eldest daughter, North, because according to Kanye, he wants Kim to stop slapping their 6-year-old child’s face with makeup immediately.
A psychedelic Pterodactyl took a dump on Kanye West’s head. But he had to be in the right place at the right time for that to have happened, and I think we all know who pushed him under that bird. When there’s trouble brewing at the Koven HQ, the Koven gets to work. Nothing begets attention like more attention, maybe that’s why in the wake of the news of Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson’s marriage imploding, Kanye’s out here frowning for the paps, sporting a faddish new do. While the new hair could be attributed to spontaneous opportunism, Kanye’s daughter North West’s first magazine cover and spread could have been planned in advance to coincide with Tristian’s infidelity storyline.
I’m going to assume that the editors of Interview magazine enjoy the smooth refreshing taste of crack in between story pitches, because their upcoming spread for September’s issue couldn’t have been conceived while sober. They have officially claimed silicone’s one-and-only BFF Kim Kardashian West as America’s New First Lady. Pull out your tissues, ladies and gentlemen, because you’re gonna roll your eyes so hard they may start to bleed.
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s new childrens’ clothing line is dropping in a few days. So naturally, little match girl North West has been turnt out onto the streets wearing the a few of the latest styles to help pad the family coffers, so she pay her eventual therapy bills. North looks super cute as always. However, one part of her outfit is raising a few eyebrows: an itty bitty kid sized corset.
Surprisingly, this situation doesn’t involve Kim Kardashian responding to yesterday’s news that Beyonce is pregnant with twins by speed-dialing TMZ and letting them know a “source” thinks she might be pregnant with triplets. This situation with Kim actually happened two days ago.
It’s been almost two weeks since Kim Kardashian rinsed the salty blonde victim tears off her husband’s reputation by releasing several Snapchats of a conversation about the song “Famous” between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. And ever since then, there’s been no end to the reminders of the second time Kim took down a snake on camera. Kanye kept the party going last night by reminding everyone at a Drake concert about What Kim Did. You know, in case any of us accidentally got amnesia in the past 12 days and forgot. Thanks, Kanye.