Category: Oh Canada

Weed Is Officially Legal In Canada

October 17, 2018 / Posted by:

As a Canadian person, I can confidently assure outsiders who look upon Canada as this always-smiling apologetic utopia that it’s not. It’s cold for about 11 months of the year. Near every pond lurks a pack of Canada Geese that will either try to bite you or will laugh as you slip on their poo. But at least we can now legally smoke all our problems away, because today marks the first day that cannabis is 100% legal in Canada.

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Open Post: Hosted By Celine Dion’s Rapper Son “Big Tip” 

May 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Could it be that the greatest singer IN ZEE VULD has given birth to the greatest RAPPER IN ZEE VULD?!? Celine Dion’s 17-year-old son Rene-Charles Angelil aka Big Tip, has just established him a force to be reckoned with in the rap game. According to Entertainment Tonight, Rene slipped his Big Tip tracks onto Soundcloud’s server earlier this week, et voila! A stah eez born! (look, I know why my phonetic French is shitty, just go with eet).

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Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Visit To Canada Cost Canadian Taxpayers A Whole Lot Of Money

November 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Back in September, Duchess Kate and Prince William flew to Canada with Prince George and Princess Charlotte for a week of waving (or not), and smiling. I’m sure a rejected Justin Trudeau didn’t forget. Vice decided to find out how much the royals’ hoser getaway cost the taxpayers of Canada. As it turns out, it cost a lot of money.

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One Of The Tenors Is In Trouble After He Changed The Lyrics To The Canadian National Anthem

July 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Many people mess up the words to national anthems all the time. Usually the mess ups are the result of the singer forgetting the lyrics, or not being able to hit that high note on “freeeee” at the end of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” But yesterday, a member of the Canadian group The Tenors messed up the Canadian national anthem on purpose, and not surprisingly, its gotten him in maple-scented trouble.

According to UsWeekly, it happened at the MLB All-Star Game in San Diego yesterday. The Tenors – aka the group I’m sure some of you have caught your mom listening to in the dark with a glass of wine – were chosen to sing the Canadian national anthem, “O Canada.” Rather than sing it as it was written, Tenor Remigio Pereira decided to add his own personal spin by singing some re-written lyrics with an #AllLivesMatter message. He really thought that would be a good idea.

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Avril Lavigne Is The Only Person On Earth Who Will Defend Nickelback

May 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Here we are. Saturday the 14th of May, 2016. It’s pleasant out at the moment, but I get the feeling it’s going to rain. It’s been muggy, sticky, so rain will do some good. Cool down the pavement. Give everyone a little splash of relief. It’s funny. You see all the people outside and it’s as if they don’t know. as if they weren’t aware of it being the most important day of the year… EUROVISION! Which is why it pains me to sully this day by speaking of people who could probably never make it into the semi-finals, let alone win – Avril Lavigne and Nickelback.

Avril, as Billboard explains, is not a happy camper at the moment. MSNBC took a poll to see what people preferred over Donald Trump, and while Nickelback is one of the most hated bands in the world, people chose them over Donald. Good for them! E! ran a story on this incredibly important and informative poll and Avril is not having it. She and Nickelback frontman, Chad Kroeger split last year, but have been seen together recently, so you can all calm down. I know how worried you’ve been about Canada’s royal couple. Avril, being the polite Canadian she is – despite her bedroom door being covered in signs that say things like “PARENTS SUCK” – jumped on Twitter to slap at those hateful hos at E!

That’s right, E! Grow up! Just like Avril’s fans did!… who then realised what they had been listening to, scrunched up their faces and felt deeply embarrassed about the school dance they went to wearing a tie with a tank top. And thanks to her, I’m now familiar with Nickelback’s sales numbers. I knew that despite being the butt of a lot jokes they were big, but I didn’t realise they were that big. I guess a lot of people have kind of trashy cousins who still wear JNCO’s and have frosted tips. Ugh. That side of the family sucks. 

Pic: Wenn

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