Beyond The Boring Ass Black Suit: Lil Nas X Served Silver Nalgas And Pedro Pascal Gave Us Leg At The Met Gala
Since the Met Gala’s theme this year was a tribute to Kunty Karl, who was the overlord of Chanel for decades, there were more pearl necklaces than a bukkake convention and enough lace to pull David’s Bridal out of bankruptcy. There was also a sea of basic black suits since many dudes just rolled out of bed and into a boring ensemble their assistant picked up for them the day before at Brooks Brothers. But not every dude showed up dressed like they were going to a funeral (which was fitting since the real star of the Met Gala was born and died last night).
Billy Porter is usually the Maestro of Over-The-Top Fashun Foolery at the Met Gala, but he sat out this year. But luckily, Lil Nas X grabbed Billy’s sparkly baton and moistened tips by doing himself up like Liberace’s answer to the Tin Man. And Pedro Pascal also gave everyone a case of the tingles by simply showing off his slutty daddy legs.
Open Post: Hosted By Karl Lagerfeld’s Cat, Choupette, Turning Down Her Invitation To Tonight’s Met Gala
Tonight’s Met Gala theme, Karl Lagerfeld: A Line of Beauty, will surely bring a delightfully tacky coterie of black blazers, neckties, folding fans, powdered wig ponytails, and hater shades. But one refreshing element many were looking forward to was the late Karl’s beloved 12-year-old cat, Choupette Lagerfeld, accepting her invitation to the event and asshole-out strutting down the red carpet as the fashion community creams their tailored black suit pants. But, perhaps Choupette was thoroughly put off from public life after recently being cradled in an awkward football hold by Naomi Campbell in Vogue with the looming threat of being whipped at an assistant at any second; because Choupette’s Instagram account just posted that she’ll be sitting out the Met tonight.
There are some things we just know are going to stay on this earth forever, like silica packets, those little white tables that save a pizza from getting smushed in a box, Betty White, and up until this morning, Karl Lagerfeld. I can’t be the only one who thought that long after we all turn to dust, Karl will sashay across the land, slightly dropping his signature sunglasses, only to judge the hideous and drab post-apocalyptic landscape before him. But we were all wrong, because Karl died today in Paris at 85.
Like every season, the Chanel couture show went down at the Grand Palais in Paris today, but unlike other haute couture seasons, the Grand High Vampire Witch of the Haus, Karl Lagerfeld, was not there to look over his multi-multi-thousand dollar creations in between beaming ice cold “Suck it in, fatté!” glares through his sunglasses at models who ate more than air before the show.
Kunty Karl usually comes out at the end of the show with the “bride” to take in the applause of his devotees before opening his Jack-O-Lantern-on-meth mouth to “kiss” the bride as he sucks her soul out of her young body. But the bride’s soul was spared today, because Karl wasn’t feeling well and bowed out of bowing.
When I read that Mariah Carey performed a few numbers at a private party for Karl Lagerfeld on Monday night, I started seal clapping in glee at the thought of those two just taking separate corners of the Boom Boom Room to see who could give the most ‘tude in this self-absorbed Price Is Right Showcase Showdown. Who won round 1? Mimi, dahhhhhling! Continue reading
It’s been much too long since we’ve gotten a random feud that is like Valium for the soul, and thankfully Kunty Karl ended the drought by going after Meryl Streep about a couture dress. I’m not sure who I should direct my, “You in danger, girl,” comment at.