Well, whaddaya know? Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara are expecting their first child together. This comes about a year after getting engaged. Page Six reports that Rooney’s been seen wearing super baggy clothes to cover her stomach, and the filthy dragon baby in her sullen goth womb may have been in there for around six months.
More news from the movie franchise that just refuses to die. For anybody interested, the never-ending subject of “who should be the next Batman” now features another missed contender to add to its complicated history––only this one is the most random AND the least likely to ever come to light.
Just because all of the BAFTA acting nominations went to white people, that doesn’t mean the white people that were nominated are afraid of a little color (not sure we can’t say the same for the BAFTA president Prince William). While some stars like Margot Robbie, who looked like she just came from a beloved aunt’s funeral (with Olivia Colman looking like said beloved aunt), went for basic black, and some like Renée Zellweger and Scarlett Johansson opted for a pastel palette, a few ladies took the opportunity to brighten up the foggy London town night by putting the “u” in colour. Take for example Florence Pugh whose hot pink housecoat doubles as a parachute in case the feds come knocking at the brothel door and she has to make a quick exit out of a 4th story window and hop into the horse drawn carriage waiting below.
2020 was a big year for 1917 which won four BAFTAs last night. That’s what was going on in ENGLAND while most Americans were busy watching JLo get the most out of that Groupon she used for 8 free pole dancing classes to prepare for Hustlers. She was never going to their little awards show anyway! But the lack of Hustlers nominations just meant more for 1917 which won Best Film, Outstanding British Film, Best Cinematography, and Best Director for Sam Mendes. It also picked up wins for special visual effects, sound, and production design. Parasite won for Best Film Not In The English Language and Best Original Screenplay by Han Jin-won and Bong Joon-ho. Another big winner was Joaquin Phoenix who won Most Tweeted About Acceptance Speech for Leading Actor For Joker, and Hardest Working Suit.
Maybe in an attempt to counteract the negative stigma of #OscarsSoWhite, The Academy Of Motion Pictures would like you to consider making #OscarsSoGreen trend instead. Following in the footsteps of The Golden Globes and the SAG Awards, the Academy has decided to green it up by offering a (mostly) plant based menu. According to The Daily Mail, The Academy has announced that the Oscars will be “completely green”, whatever that means. Who’s gonna check them on this? Is there an international board of green certifiers who do a walk-through with a clip board saying, “those centerpieces are a shade too teal, that’s 25 demerits!” Joaquin Phoenix simply does not have the time! He’s busy trying to brush all the dirt out of his suit from the SAG Awards.
If a feud between Wendy Williams and Cher over Joaquin Phoenix is the only celebrity feud we get this year, I’d be satisfied. As such, I humbly give thanks to Cher above for her blessings. Last week on her show, Wendy ran her mouth off about the Golden Globes and got to talking about Joaquin. And because she didn’t actually have anything to report other than that he exists in the world, she rambled on about his appearance. In doing so, Wendy noted that his lip scar made him “oddly attractive,” and then mimed a cleft lip before talking with her hands all the way in her mouth. Adam Bighill, a Canadian pro football player whose son was born with a cleft palate, called her out on Twitter. But since most people don’t know him from, well, from Adam, it might have ended with Wendy’s eventual apology (more on that later). However, I am beyond thrilled to report that Cher has gotten wind of Wendy’s antics and is ALL CAPS MAD. So mad in fact she’s calling for Wendy to be fired. God may have made Adam, but Cher’s the only higher power I acknowledge.