Brighter Pap Pics Of Ariana Grande As Glinda In “Wicked” Are Here After Fans Complained That The Official Teaser Pics Were Too Dark
Jon M. Chu is directing the movie adaptation of Broadway’s Wicked and recently shared teaser pics of Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba and Ariana Grande as Glinda. But just like the live-action Little Mermaid trailer and several episodes of Game of Thrones (except that one where ye olde Starbucks was clearly illuminated) that came before it, many fans complained that the images were too dark and worried that the whole film got the trendy dark Hollywood treatment. But Jon followed up and assured everyone that the finished product (part one will be released in November 2024, and part two in 2025) won’t be devoid of color, and then conveniently, pap pics of a brightly lit Ariana/Glinda surfaced shortly after.
I still haven’t seen Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis but after covering it at length, I think I get the basics. Block headed boy is taken under the wing of an elderly stage manager type with suspicious motives and a broadly “European” accent played by Tom Hanks who pulls his strings to make him sing and dance which he’s not really good at until he meets a Black musician who animates his hips and the boy gets super famous and runs off to live a life of and debauchery and adventure before ultimately dying alone on the shitter. Have I got that right or did I just describe to you the entire plot of Robert Zemeckis’ Pinocchio? I’d argue both are correct.
I’ve already seen 1971’s The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio which is the only live-action Pinocchio I ever need to see, but since Disney didn’t get paid for that one they’re doing it themselves. In the first teaser trailer for Disney’s Pinocchio, Tom Hanks ditches the Flemish accent from Elvis in favor of a House of Geppetto accent as a creepy old man who gets on his hands and knees and wishes on a star for his wooden puppet to be transformed into a real boy knowing damn well every legitimate adoption agency in the world probably has his picture posted on the wall with the caption “DO NOT ADOPT TO THIS MAN. If you see him, please contact the F.B.I.”
Last night Lea Michele was trending on Twitter so I knew instantly that she had lost another role to someone. She doesn’t trend unless she is shitting in a wig or losing roles. I soon found that 34-year-old Cynthia Erivo and 28-year-old Ariana Grande have been cast in the movie version of the Broadway musical hit Wicked, which Jon M. Chu will direct. And while everyone is plugging their ears in anticipation of Lea Michele scream-crying about losing out on another dream role, somebody should check on Dove Cameron too.
I’m fucking kidding of course. This year’s Oscars red carpet was about as glamorous as a back alley gluteal augmentation. Not even red carpet darling Billy Porter could save this parade of half-baked ideas which ranged from Saoirse Ronan’s front butt ruffle to Laura Dern’s titty-tassels. The real kicker is that, for reasons I will never accept, Blac Chyna was invited to pose for hundreds of pictures looking like a second string (ok, twelfth string) Cruella de Vil who smothered Cookie Monster with her bosom, skinned him with her talons and used his pelt for this dress. Meanwhile, the cast of Best Picture winning Parasite, were only photographed together in a group. The fuck? At least they let them use the slo-mo cam which is a big improvement on Giuliana Rancic’s (below, go easy on her, she’s dealing with some intestinal distress) Mani-Cam of yore.
Lena Waithe And Her Wife Are Splitting After Just Two Months Of Marriage Amid Rumors She Might Have Cheated With Cynthia Erivo
Just two months ago, Lena Waithe (actor, writer, and producer) and her girlfriend Alana Mayo (producer and former VP at Paramount) announced that they had secretly gotten married on a whim when they were driving by San Francisco City Hall. Cut to Wednesday and Lena and Alana are releasing a joint statement announcing their impending divorce. I was not aware that lesbians and U-haul jokes worked in reverse! According to Bossip, rumors are now swirling that the quickie marriage and subsequent quickie dis-marriage were due to “multiple instances of Lena’s infidelity.” And there are also rumors that Lena yelled “To freedom!” as she dove on top of Harriet Tubman herself, Cynthia Erivo.