Forget about a Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt marriage reunion. It’s a pipe dream. They ain’t the Burton-Taylor of our time and they’re not getting back together. Case in point: when Jen saw Brad at an Oscar’s after-party, she gave him a “Hiiii” before making a beeline for the Hammaconda’s host body, Jon Hamm.
As if we needed more proof that Top Gun 2: Bottoms Up is anything more than a very expensive video of Tom Cruise fapping into the wind, the film’s director, Joseph Kosinski, was interviewed for Entertainment Weekly and detailed the staggering lengths the production went to in order to make Tom feel good about himself. EW also revealed some new sepia toned cast photos which I guess are supposed to evoke feelings of nostalgia but really just expose the fact that the production of Top Gun 2: Rear Viewz has depleted the world’s supply of bronzer.
The Governors Awards are a classy affair, you can just tell by the name. According to The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the GA are “an annual event celebrating awards conferred by the Academy’s Board of Governors – the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award and the Honorary Award.” Basically, they are really the precum of the actual Oscars. Which might explain why so many ladies came dressed in nothing but a satin sheet. Nothing shows off precum quite like a satin bed sheet!
Back in April, we learned that Ben Affleck would no longer be photographed in public drinking iced coffees with his on-again/off-again girlfriend Lindsay Shookus. Ben might be taking some much-needed me time, but apparently Lindsay is ready to hop back on the horse. And no, that’s not a cheap joke about Jon Hamm being hung like one. Okay, fine, maybe a little.
Even though it’s not going to be released for another year, a teaser trailer for Top Gun 2: Bottoms Up has landed. If I didn’t know any better I’d say they just cobbled together scenes from the original movie and slapped that old age filter over Tom Cruise’s face, because there is absolutely nothing new to see here. But the fleeting glance of Jon Hamm STRIDING WITH PURPOSE tells me they actually filmed some new scenes. But the rest is all been there, done that, got the soundtrack to prove it (seriously, it’s one of the best motion picture soundtracks of the 80s). Shirtless beach volleyball scene: Check. Tommy racing the wind on his motorcycle: Check. Drunken group singing: Check. Pointless insubordination: Check, check, and check.
If you read that headline and came (I can stop right there, I know) into the post thinking that you were going to get footage of Jon Hamm making out with the Hammaconda, then curse out that oversized Keebler Elf James Corden for setting this gag up. A gag that sadly doesn’t involve Jon Hamm gagging on some Hammaconda head.