Category: Jon Hamm

A Judge Ruled That Jon Hamm’s Penis Could Legally Be Scrutinized By The Huffington Post

September 11, 2020 / Posted by:

A ruler was used to get to the bottom of Jon Hamm’s dick as to whether or not it’s worth all the fuss. And by ruler I obviously mean a judge, who, according to Page Six, recently ruled that The Huffington Post was within their rights to print a photo not belonging to them of The Hammaconda in order to “illustrate what all the fuss is about.” In a 2013 article titled 25 Things You Wish You Hadn’t Learned In 2013 And Must Forget In 2014, HuffPost writes that Jon is apparently “very blessed south of the border, and he, or those who examine photographs of him, really want you to know that,” accompanied by a photo taken by photographer/plaintiff Lawrence Schwartzwald of Jon’s betrousered Hickory Farms summer sausage with a little animated GIF that reads “image loading…” The judge ruled that since HuffPost was making fun of Jon’s Johnson, the usage qualifies as “transformative,” and now you know why we stay un-sued and #blessed.

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Jon Hamm Is Dating His Former “Mad Men” Costar Anna Osceola

June 24, 2020 / Posted by:

Hey, look over here! Did you hear? Jon Hamm has a new girlfriend and you are definitely not getting official confirmation of this exciting new development from Us Weekly today because everybody saw Jon’s sooted up face beaming out from underneath a Buckwheat wig yesterday. No! Don’t go looking for it right now, stay with me, the sexy news is RIGHT HERE!

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A Virtual “Mad Men” Reunion May Happen

June 11, 2020 / Posted by:

It’s been just over five years since Mad Men ended, the show you can blame for some very questionable (read: ugly) sixties-inspired fashion choices in my early twenties.

Now, in the age of Corona, Corona, many TV show and film casts have virtually reunited, either for table reads of past episodes, or just general discussion. While everybody’s favorite Scientologist, Elisabeth Moss, was doing the rounds for her new movie Shirley, an interviewer asked her if the Mad Men gang would ever consider doing a “Zoom-union” (blegh). The famously vague Elisabeth kept it ambiguous as always, but alluded that it may already be in the works. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By The New “Top Gun: Maverick” Recruits

January 30, 2020 / Posted by:

As if we needed more proof that Top Gun 2: Bottoms Up is anything more than a very expensive video of Tom Cruise fapping into the wind, the film’s director, Joseph Kosinski, was interviewed for Entertainment Weekly and detailed the staggering lengths the production went to in order to make Tom feel good about himself. EW also revealed some new sepia toned cast photos which I guess are supposed to evoke feelings of nostalgia but really just expose the fact that the production of Top Gun 2: Rear Viewz has depleted the world’s supply of bronzer.

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Everyone Was Three Sheets To The Wind On The Red Carpet for The Governors Awards

October 28, 2019 / Posted by:

The Governors Awards are a classy affair, you can just tell by the name. According to The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the GA are “an annual event celebrating awards conferred by the Academy’s Board of Governors – the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award and the Honorary Award.” Basically, they are really the precum of the actual Oscars. Which might explain why so many ladies came dressed in nothing but a satin sheet. Nothing shows off precum quite like a satin bed sheet!

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