The Mani Cam Is Dead: The Likes Of Jennifer Aniston And Julianne Moore Refuse To Take Part In That Stupid Shit

January 26, 2015 / Posted by:

At the 2014 Golden Globes, Elisabeth Moss flipped off E!’s stupid-as-fuck mani cam, because someone had to do it, and I guess E! didn’t take that as a hint. They brought back the mani cam at this year’s Golden Globes and at last night’s SAG Awards. But the anti-mani cam revolution has officially begun, because several tricks shut that mess down last night.

For some reason, Ghouliana Rancic wasn’t available to verbally lick up the ass juices of famous people at the SAG Awards for E! last night, so Maria Menounos had to do it. Maria Menonous was probably the only one there who was grateful for the mani cam’s existence, because it gave her something to talk about. While Giuliana makes me cringe by sucking on the assholes of celebrities, Maria made me cringe by being ten layers of awkward. There weird long pauses, a lot of “uhs” and stupid questions. Maria was like me on almost every first date I’ve had. The mani cam bullshit only added an extra layer of awkward. Asking a future Oscar winner like Julianne Moore to show off her nail polish and borrowed jewelry in a shoe box diorama is like asking my One Direction-obsessed little cousin what her favorite Taylor Swift song is. You will get a side-eye that says, “Dumb bitch, you know better than to ask me that,” followed by a wave of the hand.

The mani cam has always been weird to me, because I can picture some kinky trick with a hand fetish playing it back in slow motion while licking the screen and jacking off.

When Maria asked Julianne Moore to do it, the ginger goddess threw her an Oscar-worthy “ho please” face and kept it moving. When Maria asked Jennifer Aniston to do it, Jennifer’s rep Stephen Huvane (who is also Julianne’s spokesbitch) threw a “hell no” sign at her and kept it moving. Maria then interviewed Sofia Vergara and Reese Witherspoon at the same time, because they did a movie together, and asked them to nail walk in front of the stupid mani cam. Laura Jeanne Poon pushed Sofia in front of it and probably thought to herself, “Let the TV trash do it!” Sofia did it, because she wanted to show off her modest engagement ring from Joe ManJello and because she’s a TV person. Those easy whores will do anything! Here’s a clip from CBS This Morning.

People have called the mani cam “sexist” and I don’t know about that, but it is stupid and it’s true that they never ask the dudes to show off their hairy knuckles. If E! keeps insisting on bringing back the mani cam, then they should also do the bulge cam. For every chick they ask to show off her manicure, they should ask a dude to show off his crotch in the BULGE CAM and by “dude” I mean Jon Hamm only. What I’m saying is that E! should just get rid of the red carpet coverage altogether and show Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda bulge on a loop instead.


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