Wes Anderson is back with another cinematic masterpiece that will make your eyes go “Ooh!” and your brain go “Huh?”. After watching the trailer for The French Dispatch I have no idea what the plot is other than it involves some sort of publication I’m assuming is called The French Dispatch. But it sure looks nice! Continue reading
After giving one of the finest cinematic performances of the 20th century as Cristal Connors in Showgirls, you’d think Gina Gershon could write her own ticket for the rest of her career. Well, apparently that’s not so. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Gina has agreed to work with societal reject Woody Allen on his next project. Imagine, THEE Gina Gershon, who just a few short years ago starred in the criminally ignored masterpiece 9/11 opposite Charlie Sheen, has been brought so low as to sign on to do a shitty movie that would be lucky to get picked up by RFD-TV.
Matt Damon’s promo tour for his latest film, Downsizing, has sort of snowballed into a disastrous hijacking of the #MeToo campaign. Matt has argued that there are “levels” to sexual harassment, and that men who haven’t sexually assaulted anyone deserve an enthusiastic pat on the back. Matt was supposed to attend the Downsizing premiere in Los Angeles on Monday night, but he didn’t go. I guess downsizing Matt Damon’s public appearances is one way to ensure more dumb thoughts about sexual harassment don’t come out of his mouth and into the microphone of a reporter.
It was bad enough that The Legend of Tarzan’s not-right director vetoed Alexander Skarsgård swinging around the CGI jungle in a skimpy loincloth. We’ve now learned that there was a kissing scene between him and villain Christoph Waltz that was excised from the final product. Why not just have Tarzan rule the jungle in a parka, several petticoats, and a chastity belt?
The Playlist quotes director David Yates discussing a scene wherein Waltz (does he ever not play heavily accented inappropriate people?) kisses Eric Northman, former Sheriff of Area 5. While he’s unconscious. Wait – maybe not that sexy.
“We pared it back because it was almost too much. It was this really odd, odd moment when Christoph kisses him,” the director told The Times. “We loved it at the time. But early test audiences were perplexed by it and in the end it just felt too clever and overworked.”
I don’t know what’s so odd about wanting to kiss Alexander Skarsgård. Granted, Christoph Waltz smooching him while he’s unconscious might not be the homoerotic experience we all wish for Skarsgård. But that flick looks like it can use all the help it can get. They should have gone really primal with this mess and had ASKars running around nekkid like the apes that raised him. Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote a ridiculous-ass story, so really go with it. Minus the flinging of shit.
And of course test audiences were perplexed. Test audiences are always perplexed. I’m pretty sure test audiences aren’t actually human. They put some cattle to graze in front of the screen. When they low at something, some dipshit producer looks up from his coke tray and demands the scene be cut. Hollywood is the worst.
Here’s some pics of an overly dressed Alexander Skarsgård leaving the Groucho Club in London this week.
Pics: Warner Bros.,Splash
In case you couldn’t tell from me type screaming “For why isn’t he wearing a loincloth?” every time I post about Alexander Skarsgard in The Legend of Tarzan, Alexander Skarsgard does not wear a loincloth in The Legend of Tarzan. In the movie, Tarzan is summoned back to the jungle while shopping at a Land End’s outlet, so he has to quickly buy a pair of baggy pedal pushers and get on the next boat out of that bitch. Tarzan not wearing a loincloth is not only offensive to those of us who wanted several eyefuls of ASKars’ Swedish stems and bulge, it’s also very offensive to historians. Because any historian will tell you that if Tarzan existed, he would’ve worn a g-string banana hammock made out of actual banana peels. But if it was up to ASkars, he would’ve given us desperate hard-up hos a loincloth show.
As Channing Tatum, Zoe Bell, Tim Roth and Christoph Waltz watched, Quentin Tarantino pressed his hands and feets into wet cement during his hand and footprint ceremony at the TCL Chinese Theater in Hollywood yesterday. It doesn’t really make sense that they asked QT to press his hands and feet into a block of cement. Do they even know him?! If they really wanted to pay tribute to QT, they should’ve let him press his tongue into that block of cement instead. Just thinking about all those feet walking on his tongueprint at the Chinese Theater would probably make QT’s tip get more than moist.