If you haven’t started watching the new Amazon Freevee show Jury Duty, run, don’t walk, as soon as you figure out what the hell an Amazon Freevee is (it’s a streaming app with ads on Amazon). Jury Duty is a mockumentary series created by the producers of The Office and it’s set up like a real-life Truman Show experiment, where regular guy Ronald Gladden thinks he’s serving on a sequestered jury that just so happens to be participating in a documentary. But what he doesn’t know is that the court case is entirely fictional, and every single person other than him in that courtroom is an actor who is in on it, including star of the Sonic the Hedgehog Movie, James Marsden, who plays a punched-up, elitist version of himself. And after Ron found out it was all an elaborate simulation, the poor guy didn’t know what was real and what was fake anymore.
Corona isn’t the only thing going viral these days. With everybody on lockdown and bored out of their minds, we are grasping at straws for anything even mildly entertaining to distract us from this supremely shitty situation. Some desperate souls have even resorted to watching Cats! Which is why you may have seen the video that’s going around where Gal Gadot and a bafflingly random group of celebrities join together as one to sing John Lennon’s Imagine. You see, coronavirus got Gal to thinking: What if we are all really the same? And to her credit, when it comes right down to it, celebrities really are just like us. They’re also bored, scared, barely any of them can sing, and the ones who can sing, are always doing too much.
In a surprising turn of events, Sonic the Hedgehog did extremely well at the box office over the weekend. The movie stars Jim Carrey as Dr. Ivo Robotnik (am I the only one who didn’t know Dr. Robotnik’s first name???), James Marsden as Tom Wachowski, and the voice of Sonic, Ben Schwartz. And the reviews aren’t as awful as people thought they would be (it has a 64% on RT). Not to mention that Olive Garden’s business probably grew 1000% over the weekend from James Marsden’s character being such an OG whore.
Riddle me this: What’s blue and white, has weird people teeth, and should have stayed in the 90’s? WRONG! It’s not Will Smith’s Genie. It’s Sonic The Hedgehog! Although I am sure that not a single, solitary person alive on planet earth asked for it, we’re getting a feature length, live-action movie about a SEGA video game character whose primary character trait is that he’s a fast runner.
Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.
Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.
Hints of glittery titty was a bit of a theme last night.
Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.