Scarlett Johansson is one of Hollywood’s most talented and versatile actresses. She’s a cisgender white woman who can play trans people! And Asians! For God’s sake, she recently revealed that she can play trees! It makes perfect sense that Forbes just named the woman who continually asks Meryl Streep to hold her beer as the highest-paid actress of 2019.
So you’ve got a movie coming out. Time to pick out an outfit for the premiere, get a pedicure, and ruffle the feathers of a marginalized community. Now, I hear you, “but I AM part of a marginalized community”. Well boo fucking hoo, it doesn’t matter! Now go get yourself dragged up and down Twitter! Gina Rodriguez is the latest celebrity to find herself on the back foot after being accused of having a history of espousing anti-black sentiment. And when she finally took steps to address the backlash head-on, many people felt she gave a masterclass on Performative Tears For The Stage And Screen.
Nick Loeb claims to live in Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana, a state where frozen embryos are given the same rights as fully formed human beings. Nick allegedly moved there so that his “babies” (whom he named Emma and Isabella) would be protected from his ex-fiance Sofia Vergara, who doesn’t want him to use the embryos they made together. They broke up over 3 years ago and she’s moved on. He will not. And they’ve been embroiled in a lawsuit over those popsicles ever since. Now, according to TMZ, Sofia has petitioned a judge to compel Nick to show proof that he’s actually living in Louisiana and developing a regional accent.
Well, there’s at least one ray of light in the ongoing battle for Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb’s frozen embryos. According to “sources” close to Sofia, Nick is still holding on to those frost-bitten “babies” in an attempt to break up her marriage with Joe Manganiello, which means if he’s successful, my chances of going to the bone zone with Joe go from 1/10000000.1 to 1/10000000.01. So, slightly better!
Oh they’re all smiling now. But just wait until one of them gets a script that’s only two pages long and a note for makeup that reads: “Corpse-y, but not like, ghoulish.”
Modern Family is rumored to be ending after its tenth or possibly eleventh season. Show creators Steve Levitan and Christopher Lloyd said at the beginning of this year that they’d like the show to leave on a huge ratings-grabbing high note, like a birth, a death, or a wedding. I was hoping the show would end with Haley Dunphy reuniting with her older, denim-slinging dirtbag boyfriend Kenny and getting married in matching jean outfits. But it looks like they’re going with a death, and it’s going to happen sooner than at the end of the series.
Sofia Vergara’s slimy ex Nick Loeb recently moved to Louisiana in what was a blatant attempt to convince the mostly pro-life state to hand over the frozen embryos he’s been chasing for over three years now. But he can’t possibly be spending all his free time trying to get his frozen embryos Emma and Isabelle. As it turns out, he’s been killing time putting the $ in $hameless by making an anti-abortion movie in Louisiana.