This is our fault. We did this to ourselves. At some point we’re going to have to take responsibility for ourselves as a country and accept the premise that it is, in fact, a shit hole ruled by oligarchs, grifters, charlatans, and DJs with Marshmello heads, and hopefully, commit to making the changes necessary to rectify that. Otherwise, all is lost. Even if Forbes’ Celebrity 100: The World’s Highest Paid Celebrities list is a dubious distinction, we have to admit that even if their formula is about as scientifically sound as the teachings of Dianetics, it does say a lot about what we value as a culture. And right now it’s saying we value Kylie Jenner the most. She earned $560 million. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but 2020 will do strange things to a person—Taylor Swift was ROBBED! Last year’s #1 dropped to #25 ($63.5M) and Kanye West scooted into Kylie’s former #2 slot with $170M.
The main focus of the recent-ish backlash against Ellen DeGeneres has been all about how she’s nice on camera for the Ellen show, and a demon backstage to employees, helping to foster a toxic work environment of pain and trauma. Amid that conversation have been people on social media, who have pointed out that Ellen isn’t always nice when the cameras are rolling, either. Several Twitter users have tweeted clips of Ellen being mean to her guests, like joking over and over again about Sofia Vergara’s accent during her appearances on the show. Sofia has spoken up about Ellen, and Sofia would like everyone to know that she believes Ellen’s jokes were just that – jokes.
Shoeless Joe Jackson might have done something noteworthy in the sporting world (citation needed), but his feats/feets pale in comparison to the blinding expanse on the jaw of Beardless Joe Manganiello. According to People, Joe has shaved off his signature scruff at a time when most men are cultivating the same. Joe and his wife Sofia Vergara separately posted pictures of Joe’s new babyface taken at a backyard family pool party on Instagram. People says he looks “like a completely different person,” but I think we’re going to need to see him without his swim trunks on, just to be sure.
Last month we learned that both Gabrielle Union and Julianne Hough would not be returning to America’s Got Talent next season. We later learned that Gabrielle was allegedly given the boot (or would it be the X?) because she wouldn’t just sit there and applaud like a robot at racist jokes and questionable acts. It was also reported that she was given nonstop notes about how often her hair changed, which a lot of people took as a pretty obvious microaggression. Lots of people came to Gabrielle’s defense. AGT, Simon Cowell‘s company Syco Entertainment, and NBC’s Fremantle Media, released a collective statement defending themselves, and saying they will work with Gabrielle and “her concerns.” However, Gabrielle does not want to return to the show, so there’s at least one seat to fill and TMZ is saying it may go to Sofia Vergara.
Finally, after putting Sofia Vergara through years and years of legal (and I’m sure emotional) turmoil over a couple of people-flavored ice cubes, a judge in Louisiana has dismissed Nick Loeb’s frozen embryo custody claims. The judge ruled in favor of Sofia who claimed that her ex-fiance Nick wouldn’t recognize a crawfish if it was living down the front of his pants because he never actually lived in Louisiana. Nick claimed to have moved there so that the frozen embryos he and Sofia made while they were together could live under the protection of Louisiana law, which probably would have let Emma and Isabella (yes, he named them) vote in the 2020 election if they could prove they wouldn’t melt into sludge the minute they got popped out of the ice tray.
According to CNN, the impending blustery bitch known as Hurricane Dorian is now set to hit the States somewhere near the Georgia/Carolinas coast and not Florida as initially predicted. Nevertheless, Floridians are still being warned by Miami-Dade County Mayor Carlos Gimenez not to let their guard down just yet. One of the best ways to escape a hurricane is to GTFO. So Sofia Vergara still got her ass and the asses of her family out of town. The only problem is that she posted a snap of her and the fam escaping Florida in a private jet. As you can imagine in our current socio-economic climate, where the have-nots are keenly aware of just how much the haves, well, have, this went over really well, according to InStyle.