When we last left the chunky diarrhea puddle of a messy legal fight between Johnny Depp and his ex-wife Amber Heard, a 911 call was released of Amber’s friend telling authorities that Johnny was attacking Amber. Since then, Amber’s legal team (which included #MeToo co-founder Roberta Kaplan) have left the case, saying that they still believe her but that travel and logistics in the time of COVID-19 became tricky and expensive so it was better for Amber to be represented by a legal team based in Virginia. Johnny filed a $50 million defamation lawsuit against Amber after she accused him (but didn’t name him) of abusing her in an op-ed piece for The Washington Post. Johnny filed the lawsuit in Virginia because that’s where The Washington Post is based.
Well, now Cara Delevingne has been dragged into this wreck because it’s been claimed in a deposition that she had a threeway with Amber and Elon Musk in 2016. Why did I just picture Elon Musk getting spit-roasted with Space(se)X-brand cyborg strap-ons? But according to Elon, that cursed image is only a product of my gutter sludge brain because he never had a threesome with Amber and Cara.
Well, it looks like we can officially move Ashley Benson and G-Eazy from the position of “just friends, but make it suspicious” to whatever it is you’d call it when two famous people get caught kissing in broad daylight. It would also appear we can consider Ashley officially moved on from her breakup with Cara Delevingne. Because People magazine is reporting that Ashley and G-Eazy were once again caught running errands in Los Angeles, except this time they also happened to serve up a side of mouth-based PDA.
It’s been about a week since we learned that Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne broke up in early April after two years together. They also broke up in the middle of quarantine and that might make it damn near impossible to get under a new person in an attempt to get over your ex. But social distancing rules be damned, because it looks like Ashley is now hanging out with G-Eazy.
Corona isn’t the only thing going viral these days. With everybody on lockdown and bored out of their minds, we are grasping at straws for anything even mildly entertaining to distract us from this supremely shitty situation. Some desperate souls have even resorted to watching Cats! Which is why you may have seen the video that’s going around where Gal Gadot and a bafflingly random group of celebrities join together as one to sing John Lennon’s Imagine. You see, coronavirus got Gal to thinking: What if we are all really the same? And to her credit, when it comes right down to it, celebrities really are just like us. They’re also bored, scared, barely any of them can sing, and the ones who can sing, are always doing too much.
Is there no justice left in this world? Do I have to live in a world where a reality-star can become President but a supermodel can’t be on the jury for an alleged movie mogul rapist? Gigi Hadid has officially been dismissed from jury duty for the trial of Harvey Weinstein. In the words of Elle Woods: “I object!”
Last month, Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson celebrated their one year anniversary of being together. Earlier this week they were seen on vacation in Saint-Tropez, possibly to celebrate their anniversary. But if you’re a fan of Cashley Belevino, then you probably think that they’re in Saint-Tropez to celebrate the fact that they’re fixing to get hitched. Or possibly, that they’ve already done it.