Two carpets, both alike in dignity
(In fair Hollywood, where we lay our scene),
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil shoes make civil rugs unclean.
It’s crazy how those words by William Shakespeare are still as true today as they were in 1996 when we finally understood them thanks to Baz Luhrmann‘s Romeo + Juliet. And this morning, as the sun rose over the detritus of last night’s Oscars celebrations, one carpet emerged victorious and unblemished by the unsightly stains of blood and mud and whatever it was that Fine Ass Jonathan Majors had in his tiny silver sipping cup. For reasons we may only understand after Baz makes a movie about it, after weeks of torrential rain, the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences decided this was the year to break with a 64-year tradition and pull the Red Carpet out from under our feet in exchange for a Champagne Industrial Rug. For revenge, Florence Pugh could barely be bothered to dress for the big event so she just brushed her ponytail to the front and grabbed a beige duvet cover out of the dirty laundry for the Oscars, saving her pink comforter for the Blue Carpet at the Vanity Fair after party.
Cara Delevingne went through a rough time last year. In May, she made headlines for being Megan Thee Stallion’s “hype woman” at the Billboard Music Awards. In September, she was papped sans shoes, “behaving erratically” at Van Nuys Airport in LA. A week later, her buddy/Suicide Squad co-star, Margot Robbie, was photographed crying a few hours after visiting Cara’s house, presumably out of concern for her friend (although she later denied it). Then, a couple of weeks after that, Margot and Cara got into a physical altercation with paps in Argentina. Since then, we haven’t heard much from 30-year-old Cara. And now we know why. According to Page Six, Cara spent “some of December and most of January” at Utah’s Cirque Lodge rehab. And Cara opened up about getting sober for the April issue of Vogue. Damn, that’s a great way to hold yourself accountable. A post-rehab Vogue cover story! Too bad everyone in recovery doesn’t get one…
Margot Robbie And Cara Delevingne Got Into An Altercation With Paparazzi In Argentina That Turned Physical
Over the weekend, Cara Delevingne and Margot Robbie proved that when Suicide Squad broads go abroad, mayhem will ensue. TMZ reports that Cara and Margot were involved in an INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT following a run-in with a paparazzo in the streets of Buenos Aires, Argentina, that landed Margo sprawled out on the pavement, two of her friends in police custody, and the photographer in the hospital reaching out with his one remaining arm to call The Sun about the “brutal attack.” The photographer, Pedro Orquera, and Margot’s friends, Barbie producer Josey McNamara and a key grip named Jac Hopkins, have divergent perspectives on the incident, but there’s one thing everyone seems to agree on— Cara made like the Joker and got away!
I have my suspicions that Doja Cat wasn’t the only person who got turnt during last night’s Billboard Music Awards. According to The Daily Beast, many home viewers noted that Cara Delevegne was on one (or two or three) last night herself, and seemed to be fixated on Megan Thee Stallion in particular. Everywhere Megan went, it seemed Cara and her tongue would pop up out of nowhere like some kind of deranged sex imp. This type of haunting can and will happen to you if you look in the mirror and repeat “Nose Candyman!” three times fast. It probably wasn’t even Megan who said the incantation. Cara could have been summoned by anyone in any of the venue’s restrooms. Cara will manifest near whoever happens to be getting the most attention at that moment. And last night, that person was Megan.
What did you do Friday night? I sat in my own filth and binged Season 7 of The Amazing Race. Sienna Miller and Cara Delevingne opted for something a little wilder. They hit up Temple Bar in New York City and partied like it was 2019. The besties took over a corner table at the cocktail lounge, where they were spotted making out with each other. A source tells Page Six that it seemed like 29-year-old Cara and 40-year-old Sienna “were together,” but, right before their hook-up, Sienna also made out with some tall dude. So maybe it’s less romantic, and more, “I’m wasted and tongue-horny, who’s in?”
Just because we’re still in the middle of a pandemic and Heidi Klum’s annual Halloween party didn’t happen for the second year in a row, doesn’t mean that the other celebrities won’t get together and tear shit up for attention. Much like a drag queen, if a celebrity isn’t working Halloween they are losing money! Harry Styles’ tour took him to Madison Square Garden in NYC on Halloween, and he decided to get festive by dressing up as a hobo hipster who just so happened to find a Dorothy Gale costume in the dumpster.