Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

July 19, 2018 / Posted by:

Taylor Swift is back in the studio, and I’m guessing that all her new music is about her relationship with that blond British dude she’s currently with. So because of that I’m sure that watching the paint dry on the wall she just painted will be a much more riveting experience than listening to her songs about that blond British dude – Lainey Gossip

Heidi Klum’s glow probably really comes from looking at the check that a drugstore apricot scrub brand gave her to name check them – Celebitchy

Steve Lodge is one step closer to becoming Vicki Gunvalson’s next ex-husband – Reality Tea

Err, where’s Rita Ora in this pic? All I see is a stunning knock-off ElviraDrunken Stepfather

Judge Jeannine Pirro pissed off Whoopi Goldberg so much that Whoopi awakened from her usual stoner slumber and went full rage on a trick – Towleroad

Even a growing fetus in her body can’t keep Hilary Duff away from her daily pap walks to her car – Popoholic

Tom Jones is in the hospital and I wonder if the nurses threw their panties at him to make him feel more at home? – SOW

This is horrifying and sad, Olympic medal-winning figure skater Denis Ten was stabbed to death at 25 – Just Jared 

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

July 17, 2018 / Posted by:

The full trailer for Bohemian Rhapsody starring Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury (but why does he look like Pete Davidson there?) is out, and yes, it still looks like a sanitized Hollywood bore with zero flavor. But what’s really offensive is that The Mercury bulge isn’t nearly magnificent enough. They should’ve stuffed Rami’s jumpsuit with two actual disco balls and a baguette. I should be in the ER right now from getting hit in the eye with that bulge while watching the trailer. Burn every copy of the movie and start again! – Lainey Gossip 

But for real though, Amanda Seyfried’s husband is probably jealous because of that whole “how you get them is how you lose them” thing – Celebitchy

Wait, slap me until I’ve got Andy Cohen eyes, Vicki Gunvalson has had plastic surgery? – Reality Tea

Like a bowl of Jell-O in an earthquake…. Although, Jell-O is much more natural – Drunken Stepfather

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Night Crumbs

July 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Blake Shelton made clumsy hillbilly drunks everywhere proud when he fell during a show and blamed it on lots of booze. Sure, some may say that Blake getting plastered before a show is unprofessional, and to those I say, wouldn’t you rather see his hillbilly ass go boom than listen to him fart out sweet nothings about his undying love for Gwen Stefani? – SOW

I have never gotten tingly in the loins for Chris Pine until I saw him driving a wood-paneled station wagon. Chris Pine is the 80s suburban dad of my wet dreams – Lainey Gossip

Strange things are afoot at the offices of whoever is making the decision on what to do with the next Bill & Ted movie – Pajiba

And after this picture was taken, Britney Spears tried to bite her nipple thinking it was a piece of a Slim Jim that fell in there during her dinner break – Drunken Stepfather

The Alien Lizard King with Prince William hair: Would you hit it? – Celebitchy

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Night Crumbs

July 13, 2018 / Posted by:

Can somebody please ask Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande what kind of shit they were on when they decided to put screeching gophers in the middle of the video for her new song God Is A Woman? Yes, I want some, but I have to be careful, because that potent shit obviously messed with the part of her brain that operates logic since she never realized that those screaming gophers would easily take the spotlight away from her – Towleroad

Michael B. Jordan definitely has a type and that type is Instagram models that look like a Kim Kardashian/Karreuche Tran hybrid- Lainey Gossip

Barely legal Miami THOTs, get ready, because a newly single David Beckham may be on the loose in your city soon – Celebitchy

When the health department sees this, that ice cream place is going to get an A++++++ for being touched by the ginger sparkliness of Phoebe PriceDrunken Stepfather

The tip of Jessica Biel’s booties looks like a dickhead, and no, she doesn’t have a pic of her husband on the tip of her booties – Popoholic

Kenya Moore’s baby growing area isn’t going to make an appearance on the next season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, but it did make an appearance on Instagram – Reality Tea 

Prepare to hear more of, “Cried my retinas off while watching Queer Eye,” from your co-workers after asking what they did last night, because Queer Eye is coming back for a third season – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

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Night Crumbs

July 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Instagram model, “actress,” and favorite of the dude blogs Emily RideAJetSki showed off the double diamond engagement ring her new husband gave her. It’s pretty if pretty to you is “two CZ stud earrings from Charming Charlie sloppily super-glued together by a half-blind dog in a rush.”Just Jared

The trailer for period piece Oscar bait Mary Queen of Scots is out, and I have one question: Why the hell does Margot Robbie’s Queen Elizabeth I look like Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter? – Lainey Gossip 

Um, okay, but Duchess Meghan still gets to do some acting, like acting like she even thinks of the basic cable show she was on while getting to hop on Prince Hot George’s freckled skin scepter every night – Celebitchy

Porsha Williams found herself a new storyline for next season of Real HouseMesses of AtlantaReality Tea

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Night Crumbs

July 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Every trick in the music game shouldn’t even bother submitting for the Grammys, because warbling Real Doll Kim Zolciak has burped up her latest auto-tuned masterpiece called Wig. Wig supposedly stands for “Wish I Gave A Shit.” Err, shouldn’t her song be called WIGAS then? And I wish I didn’t give a shit about listening to Wig, because now that I have my eardrums are as swollen and puffy as Kim’s lips – Reality Tea

Fuck, Hollywood. They can’t give us one live-action She-Ra movie, but yet they can give us ten million Joker movies, including the Joaquin Phoenix one that was greenlit – Lainey Gossip

According to UsWeekly, Jamie Foxx is a cheating slut, but Katie Holmes’ cooze is still sprung in a bad way for him – Celebitchy

Here’s the trailer for But I’m A Cheerleader as seen through the eyes of a Brooklyn hipster – Towleroad

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