Category: Night Crumbs

Night Crumbs

February 20, 2019 / Posted by:

Because Whoopi Goldberg has been out at The View for over a week, there’s a theory that she’s in Los Angeles, secretly rehearsing for the Oscars and is going to be the surprise host on Sunday. This Oscars has been ten kinds of messy so far, so I could see this happening. And about 30 seconds into her opening monologue, I bet a giant hook will pull her off stage after producers suddenly discover her “rape rape” comment from 2009 – Lainey Gossip

FYI: Ruth Bader Gingsburg gets a tingle in the loins from Armie HammerPajiba

Okay, okay, okay, Jennifer Lopez has redeemed herself for that strip mall Reno casino Motown tribute, and I’m only saying that because of the exquisite Lucite heels on her feets – Drunken Stepfather 

If Saturday Night Live wants to heal this country, they’d get Idris Elba to do his opening monologue ass out naked. Hell, get his dick lips to do the monologue and the entire world would be healed – Towleroad

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Night Crumbs

February 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Not to be outdone by current yodeling IT twink Shawn Mendes posing in Calvin Klein chonies, current IT piece of the internet Noah Centineo got half naked for CK underwear too. And while the internet shoots out a geyser of panty pudding over this, I’m on the sidelines wondering why those CK boxer briefs make his crotch look like a trackball mouse from the 90s? – Just Jared

And here’s auto-tune singing Tiny Dancer (with an appearance by Taron Egerton’s natural voice, I think) from RocketmanLainey Gossip

Not sure what’s exactly happening here, but I do know it’s a Darwin Award runner-up – Pajiba

And to think, this clip started out so delicious with all that In-N-Out… – Drunken Stepfather

In case you missed it, here’s Don Cheadle doing more for the trans community in a few seconds than Caitlyn Jenner has ever done – Towleroad

Who cares if Emily Blunt’s bow looks like a wrinkled and charred Flintstone bone, this IS the look and mostly because of her Wet ‘N Wild lipstick – Popoholic

Sean Bean can’t wait to bust a raw baby-making nut up into his fifth wife – Celebitchy

Cardi B declared that Black History Month has been fucked up thanks to Jussie SmollettThe Blemish

Pic: Instagram

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Night Crumbs

February 15, 2019 / Posted by:

Tom Sturridge and Jake Gyllenhaal posed together at the opening of their play Sea Wall/A Life at The Public Theater in NYC. And as they did that, someone’s Aunt Maureen tore threw her closet looking for her favorite Valentine’s Day sweater to wear to craft club and a mid-level pimp lost it while trying to find the suit he wanted to wear to take his mom to church – Lainey Gossip

Someone call CPS and let them know that Ben Affleck is terrorizing his poor son with the face of Tom BradyCelebitchy

Whatever, how can I care about Ben Affleck retiring his Batsuit as my nipples are hardening over the sight of Guillermo in Robin drag? – Pajiba

Well, there you go, we now know that something called “the truth” doesn’t exist anymore, because pillar of 100% truthiness, Kim Zolciak, was caught in a lie – Reality Tea

Excuse me while I shake with anxiety over the fact that we may not have gotten to see Chris Hemsworth’s muscled-up nipples as Thor – SOW

The NFL and Colin Kaepernick have settled and both claim they’re going to keep their clips shut about the details – Towleroad

“Shit, I totally have bed bugs and fleas now” – that bear – Hollywood Tuna

“Hello, welcome to the Goth Go-Go Dancer Cafe, I’m Olivia Munn, and I’ll show you to our table” – Popoholic

Sure, people give Dane Cook shit for his fetus-aged girlfriend, but she probably gives him more shit for constantly spending more time with Botox than her – Just Jared

Pic: Wenn.com

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Night Crumbs

February 14, 2019 / Posted by:

Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan spent Valentine’s Day apart, because duty calls and duty involved him visiting North Norway as Captain General of the Royal Marines (Wait, so all I have to do is join something called the Royal Marines and I get to call PHG “sir” as he orders me to get down on my knees and give him twenty? Where do I send my LinkedIn link?) Because it was VD and he was away from his wife, the soldiers decorated a little snow house with candles and his wedding pictures. Whatever, this is so staged. It’s obvious he wasn’t in Norway. He’s in some sound stage in London and that little house isn’t made of snow, it’s made of some kind of fire resistant material. Because real snow would immediately melt after being hit with the rays of heat shooting off of PHG’s crotch. Those shameless royals! – Lainey Gossip

What in trick-AND-treat bukkake foolery is going on in this Bella Thorne video? – Drunken Stepfather

Hulu is trying it, but not sure if it can reach the disturbing levels of “I need a few showers in boiling holy water” that were reached in HBO’s documentary about the murder of Dee Dee BlanchardPajiba

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Night Crumbs

February 13, 2019 / Posted by:

In a #MeToo exposé from The New York Times that will fill you with the opposite of shock, several women, including his ex-wife Mandy Moore, have accused Ryan Adams of demanding sex while mentoring them and emotionally and verbally abusing them if they turned him down. Mandy thinks he really had a bad effect on her music career. So while Mandy Moore is working on that Alanis Morissette-like break-up album, Bryan Adams is probably going through his Twitter mentions wondering why everyone is calling him a fucking creep – Jezebel

The paps say this is Johnny Depp kissing a fetus-aged mystery woman in Belgrade, but are we sure he isn’t sucking the life force out of her…. which is what he does when he kisses, so I guess the paps are right  – Lainey Gossip

I so want to party in Octavia Spencer’s basement, even if she steals my earrings and runs me over with a truck afterward – Pajiba

Meanwhile, as her daddy kisses on some girl, who is probably around her age, Lily-Rose Depp is working some daytime chola lip liner in a selfie – Drunken Stepfather 

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Night Crumbs

February 12, 2019 / Posted by:

The trailer for the gender-reversed Dirty Rotten Scoundrels called The Hustle (working title: Rebel Wilson Falls A Lot, Now In Europe!) is out, and Anne Hathaway plays a high-class con artist. My guess is that she’s so good at conning, because her marks are too busy WTFing over that Dollar Tree Madonna British accent coming out of her mouth to notice her snatching their wallet – Popsugar

Since Miley Cyrus’ man Liam Hemsworth was down and out with the kidney stone ills and couldn’t show up to the premiere of Isn’t It Romantic, she represented him and showed up wearing curtains stolen from an early-80s bordello – Lainey Gossip

It took a minute or five hundred thousand, but Aziz Ansari talked about the #MeToo allegation that was made against him last year – Pajiba

Chloe Grace Moretz is supposed to be serving Britney Spears but I’m getting 90s Spice channel starlet – Drunken Stepfather

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