The Batman wasn’t the only DC FanDome premiere yesterday that managed to bring the nerdgasms. After Wonder Woman came out in 2017 and became a huge hit, bringing in $821 million worldwide, director Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot re-teamed for the sequel Wonder Woman 1984, which is scheduled to come out on October 2, and the latest trailer may make you want to splatter antibacterial shampoo onto your screen because Kristen Wiig’s Cheetah has a serious case of mange.
Yesterday, the first leg of DC FanDome (kinda like Comic-Con but only for DC comics) was presented virtually, and despite people not being able to dress up and nerd out in person, the event made plenty of DC nerds stir in the nether regions. This part of the event (part 2 follows on September 12) featured online panels, fan art, cosplay, and special events for kids. But the real attraction was a bunch of long-awaited DC-themed premiers and sneak peeks, including Robert Pattinson as Batman in Matt Reeves‘ The Batman (they certainly didn’t spend all of that delayed quarantine time working on that title).
Move over Quentin Tarantino, it’s Ryan Murphy’s turn to monkey with Hollywood history! And because it’s Ryan, it features twinks instead of toes. The first full trailer is here for Ryan’s upcoming Netflix Original series, Hollywood. According to Indiewire, the show takes place post WWII and “presents an alternative version of history wherein actors and writers of color are more openly part of the Hollywood studio system,” but apparently, uggos still need not apply. The show stars Darren Criss, Dylan McDermott, Patti LuPone, newcomers David Corenswet and Jeremy Pope, Justin Theroux’s rumored former fling Laura Harrier, Mrs. Sarah Paulson Holland Taylor and Jim Parsons. It also features Jake Picking as Rock Hudson and Queen Latifah as Hattie McDaniel, suggesting that Ryan finally learned the hard way not to fuck with Hollywood legends who are still alive. The show is written and directed by Janet Mock (Pose) and features a gas station where, for the right price, you can get your tank filled up with premium unleaded assoline.
When I saw that there was a trailer out for Capone starring my #1 would Tom Hardy, for one golden, fleeting moment, I thought I was going to have a good old fashioned #blessedday. What a fool I was. Just a starry-eyed summer child (pre-2020, summer children are canceled now that winter is here) thinking my quickly dwindling spank bank account was about to get a stimulus package. Sadly, Tom has let me down, and more importantly, let my clitoris down because Tom ain’t stimulating shit looking like a deep-fried meatball served in a dirty ashtray with extra cheese. Why, Tom, why!?!
Here’s a little something to tide you over until the year 2040 when Hamilton eventually closes on Broadway and they can finally make movie version of it starring Psalm West as Hamilton, Bible Bieber-Bladwin as Aaron Burr, and in a surprisingly witty piece of stunt casting, Archie Mountbatten Windsor as King George. It’s In The Heights aka Bodega: The Musical!
Here, just in time to ruin James Cameron’s Christmas, is the trailer for Wonder Woman 1984: Quest For The Crystal Butt-Plug starring Gal Gadot. Spoiler alert, Pedro Pascal has it! When he pulled that bad boy out of its cave (1:10), it’s literally the only thing I could think about for the duration of the trailer. In fact, I’m still thinking about it right now, and I’ll continue to think about it until the end of time. However, if Chris Pine’s reappearance as the previously deceased WWI soldier Steve Trevor is any indication, time may be a relative concept in this film. Plus the movie doesn’t come out until next summer, so me and my thoughts about the butt plug I have a long cold winter ahead of us.