Category: Jim Carrey

The New And Improved “Sonic The Hedgehog” Is Going To Need A Little More Time In The Oven

May 24, 2019 / Posted by:

From his weird humanoid child’s body to his dirty white hands with visible fingernails, the CGI Sonic The Hedgehog from the upcoming film of the same name, was a flop right out the gate. People hated it, and many offered helpful suggestions to the filmmakers on where they’d gone wrong. In a surprise twist, the movie’s director, Jeff Fowler, announced that he heard the feedback and that Sonic is headed back to the drawing room for a makeover in advance of the movie’s scheduled November 2019 release, causing 1.5 million (and counting) Game Of Thrones fans’ heads to explode. However, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Sonic’s makeover is going to take a little longer than expected. Turns out you can’t just take a 10 pound shit and shove it in a 5 pound bag. You’ve got to start over, either by taking a smaller dump, or getting a bigger bag.

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Who Ordered The “Sonic The Hedgehog” Movie Trailer?

April 30, 2019 / Posted by:

Riddle me this: What’s blue and white, has weird people teeth, and should have stayed in the 90’s? WRONG! It’s not Will Smith’s Genie. It’s Sonic The Hedgehog! Although I am sure that not a single, solitary person alive on planet earth asked for it, we’re getting a feature length, live-action movie about a SEGA video game character whose primary character trait is that he’s a fast runner.

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Steve Bannon Was Pulled From The New Yorker Fest After Several Participants Quit 

September 4, 2018 / Posted by:

Since 1999, The New Yorker magazine has held The New Yorker Festival, which sounds like an appreciation event for the thousands of doctor’s offices that always make sure there’s a fresh three-year-old copy in the waiting room. It’s an event held over multiple days in which audiences can listen to “a who’s-who of the arts, politics and everything in between” talk. This year, the line-up included former White House Boglin and “little wannabe writer”  Steve Bannon. However, after more famous attendees quit the festival, Steve Bannon has been removed from the lineup.

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Jim Carrey Turned His Artistic Focus On Mark Zuckerberg

March 21, 2018 / Posted by:

We all had to read A Tale Of Two Cities in high school, which meant the SparkNotes for A Tale Of Two Cities was sold out at every Borders (RIP) in a 25-mile radius. One thing I remember is that if Madame Defarge knitted your name, you and your neck were fuuuuuucked and heading to the guillotine. It seems like Jim Carrey is the new Madame Defarge with his portraits. He came for Donald Trump and Sarah Huckabee Sanders the other day, and now he’s shifted to the man responsible for why we spend 80% of the workday looking at a newsfeed full of cat and cooking videos. Continue reading

Jim Carrey Pissed Some People Off With A Portrait That Resembles Sarah Huckabee Sanders

March 19, 2018 / Posted by:

When Jim Carrey presented his latest artwork over the weekend, it wasn’t met with the same kind of applause George W. Bush gets for his finger paintings. Instead, a lot of people took umbrage that his portrait of a “so-called Christian” looked eerily reminiscent of the White House press briefing room possum Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and now think the only job Jim is qualified for is sandwich boy at Quiznos so long as he doesn’t try and squirt any liberal snowflake sauce on their six-inch sub! Continue reading

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