Last week, I posted about the trailer for Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. And this week, I’m posting about Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. But unlike Asteroid City, the Barbie movie is low on twee pretentiousness and high on Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest (note to Wes Anderson: if you want to make Asteroid City more watchable, include a shot of Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest in the final cut). In December, we got one Barbie teaser trailer, and today, they released teaser #2. I guess they just keep sticking the tip in. Well, as much as a flat-crotch’d plastic doll can stick the tip in.
And on top of the second teaser trailer, we got tons upon tons of character posters, including Michael Cera as Ken’s ginger friend Allan. FINALLY, Allan is getting his time in the shine, but did they really have to make him look like a sleazy frat boy turned sleazy investment banker?! Allan might be a Murdough.
In 2016 they offered us a live-action Barbie movie starring Amy Schumer and we said, “lol. No, thanks.” “Fine, Anne Hathatawy?,” they asked, and it being 2017 we said “look, we’re still trying to recover from Les Mis. Please leave us alone.” Then, like a year later, they said, “well, how about if Greta Gerwig writes and directs?” and we said, “whatever dudes, You do you.” Then they came back with “OK, so Greta’s definitely in and we are thinking Margot Robbie as Barbie? We getting warmer?” and we said, “we’re listening.” Then they said “Great! And as a reward for your patience, how about we give you Ryan Gosling as Ken” and we said “lol. OK, well in that case…”
Time for some straight boy drama! Back in 2019 Will Ferrell and Adam McKay announced they were ending their professional partnership. These two collaborated on movies like Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy and Step Brothers, and produced a bunch of projects through their company, Gary Sanchez Productions. At the time of the split, they said, “The two of us will always work together creatively and always be friends. And we recognize we are lucky as hell to end this venture as such.” But guess what? That was bullshit. And now Adam is spilling all the dirt in a new Vanity Fair profile. And it’s kind of a big deal (Anchorman quote, my apologies).
Corona isn’t the only thing going viral these days. With everybody on lockdown and bored out of their minds, we are grasping at straws for anything even mildly entertaining to distract us from this supremely shitty situation. Some desperate souls have even resorted to watching Cats! Which is why you may have seen the video that’s going around where Gal Gadot and a bafflingly random group of celebrities join together as one to sing John Lennon’s Imagine. You see, coronavirus got Gal to thinking: What if we are all really the same? And to her credit, when it comes right down to it, celebrities really are just like us. They’re also bored, scared, barely any of them can sing, and the ones who can sing, are always doing too much.
According to TMZ, Will Ferrell encountered a scary situation on a highway while returning home from San Diego last night. No, he didn’t get into a road rage accident after accidentally whipping a burrito out the window of his car and hitting a biker in the face.
Some say the ideal Joaquin Phoenix interview is a mix of weirdness, arrogance, unintentional humor, and a spritz of douche. We’re all in luck, because that’s what Joaquin Phoenix delivered when he was interviewed for Interview magazine by Will Ferrell. If you’d like a quick gauge on the Joaquin-y quality of this interview, there’s the fact that at one point he describes children as smelling profoundly of rotten bananas. So here we go!