I haven’t thought about M.I.A. since she flipped us the bird at the Super Bowl Halftime show ten years ago. But, this week, she was thrust back into my consciousness for a very random reason. M.I.A. compared Alex Jones‘ lying about the Sandy Hook shooting to celebrities promoting COVID vaccines. Heh? Some context, in case you only get your news from this site (and good for you!): trash conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has been ordered to pay nearly $1 billion in restitution to the families of the victims killed at Sandy Hook, cuz he said the tragedy never happened and the grieving parents were paid actors. M.I.A. took to Twitter to add her two cents. Unfortunately, both of those cents were absolutely certifiable. She wrote, “If Alex jones pays for lying, shouldn’t every celebrity pushing vaccines pay too?” Rational thinking: it isn’t for everyone.
Some of our livers are currently screaming, “Please don’t play a drinking game where you do a shot every time Amy Schumer says some stupid shit, we can’t take it!”, which means the 2022 Oscars are tonight (now with fewer awards and even more montages)! Oscar-winner Mark Rylance, who is in Best Picture nominee Don’t Look Up, has already said that he’s not going to tonight’s Oscars because to para-quote legendary philosopher Ouiser Boudreaux, why would Mark go to the Oscars when he can nap at home for free?! Lin-Manuel Miranda also announced that he won’t be at tonight’s Oscars, but it’s not because he thinks that shit is boring, it’s because his wife just tested positive for COVID-19.
When it was announced last week that 95-year-old Queen Elizabeth had been diagnosed with COVID-19, I’m sure a whole lot of people started preparing for the not-best, or threw on their tinfoil hats, grabbed their copy of Weekend at Bernie’s, and started speculating about the real truth of Liz’s health (especially in the wake of the news that she had started canceling virtual engagements). But here we are, The Queen is on the mend, and is well enough to be making house calls.
Prince Charles is a two-timer! No, not like that (“I beg to differ,” muttered the ghost of Princess Diana). I mean he got COVID for the second time. The first time was way back when the pandemic first began, in March 2020. Today the Clarence House Twitter announced that Charles tested positive for coronavirus this morning and he is currently self-isolating. A royal source tells People that THE QUEEN is being monitored because she met with Charles this week, but so far she isn’t displaying any symptoms. Looks like that cold, no-hugging-or-touching mothering style is finally paying off for the Royals!
Joni Mitchell Joins Neil Young In Pulling Her Music Off Of Spotify Over “Irresponsible People Spreading Lies”
You know you really fucked up when you start pissing off the Canadians. Earlier this month a group of 270 doctors and scientists released an open letter to Spotify asking them to do something about “menace to public health” Joe Rogan because he keeps mouth-farting out all sorts of COVID-19-related misinformation to his millions of listeners. Then this week, Neil Young threw down an ultimatum to Spotify, telling them that either Joe Rogan goes, or he goes. Spotify sided with Joe Rogan and pulled most of Neil Young’s music, which was the opposite of $urprising since Spotify has a $100 million multi-year deal with Joe Rogan. And now the legendary Joni Mitchell, whose vast catalog is a treasure trove for ears, has announced that she’s looked at it from both sides now and she’s on Neil’s side.
If you ask the likes of The Weeknd, The Cholula Cum Sack Don that is Drake, and Frank Ocean, they’ll probably tell you that the Grammys should really take place in a tomb since it’s a dusty, dead relic. But well instead of moving it to a tomb, the Grammys show has been moved to the land where us dusty relics guzzle down free cocktails while playing the penny slots for days on end (yes, I’m a penny slot slut). The Grammys were supposed to take place on January 31 at the NoImNotCallingItTheCryptoDotCom Arena in Los Angeles, but because COVID-19 continues to fucks its way into breathing holes everywhere, they postponed it indefinitely. But yesterday they announced that they’ve pushed the date to April 3 and the location to the Kingdom of Celine Dion!