The “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” Reading Gave Us A Jerk-Off Scene Featuring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston
The dreams of any remaining TEAM ANISTON t-shirt owners had already come true last month when it was reported that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would reunite for a live at-home reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As promised, Jen and Brad reunited last night on Zoom for the Fast Times reading, to benefit Sean Penn’s CORE charity. And Brad and Jen must have been feeling extra charitable because they gave everyone at home an image for the ages by recreating the Phoebe Cates/Judge Reinhold jerk-off scene.
If there has ever been a use for the tag “Love In The Time Of Corona,” this is it. Because the clock has barely done any ticking since we learned that Robert Pattinson reportedly tested positive for COVID-19. And now we’re seeing plenty of pictures of Robert and his girlfriend Suki Waterhouse engaging in a mask-wearing make-out session in a London park.
If Noel Gallagher had calmly said that he’s more than happy to wear a mask since he cares about other human beings and wants to do his part to stop the spread of coronavirus, I’d immediately lube up my parts and assume the position, because I’d finally get some since today is Opposite Day. But since Noel Gallagher is Noel Gallagher he didn’t say that and while on Matt Morgan’s Funny How? podcast (via The Guardian), he made it damn clear that the only way he would hate a mask more is if it had the words I Love Adele embroidered on it.
Paul Rudd is one of those people who’s looked young since the 90s. Thirty years after he stole young gay hearts as Cher’s step-brother/love-interest (it was weird) in Clueless, 51-year-old Paul’s skin is still producing collagen like a teen’s! And he’s using his youthfulness for a good cause by suggesting to his fellow young people to mask up to stop the spread of coronavirus. Personally I think if Paul offered up his underwear to turn into masks that would incentivize more people wear them but hey, this works too!
Anyone who was really looking forward to seeing Kristen Wiig hit the big screen looking like a Petster toy cat that was thrown in the washing machine on a heavy scrub cycle (even though the tag specifically says spot clean ONLY), are going to have to wait just a bit longer. Wonder Woman 1984 feels like it’s going to take 84 years to finally make it to the theaters, because Variety is reporting that the release date has been pushed to Christmas.
As Robert Pattinson, The Rock, Tiffany Haddish, and other famous types catch coronavirus, David and Victoria Beckham are probably looking at them, “Pfft, coronavirus is so last season, darlings!” Because according to The Grain of Salt Times known as The Sun, Posh and Becks caught coronavirus in the Tom Hanks days of the pandemic (read: aaaaaaalll the way back in the olden days of March 2020). They kept it on the down-low, but because they were flying around and going to parties before they got the diagnosis, they were afraid they were “super spreaders.” Oh, to think, in simpler times, the words “David Beckham” and “super spreader” would make every personal assistant, teacher, and Welsh singer run to the clinic to get her fuck parts checked.