Jessica Biel really is that Rich White Woman. You know the one? The one who has so much money and time on her hands she opens up a kids-play place for other rich moms and then after it closes because that’s not a sustainable business practice, she simply moves on with her life because the financial hit was not only something she could survive, but she has so much money she can continue to thrive? And then she also doesn’t vaccinate her kids because she heard from one of the other moms who was at her rich kid daycare that they cause autism, which she learned from her shaman/healer/“Spiritual Hacker”? That Rich White Woman.
It’s now come to light that Jessica is possibly on Team Anti-Vaxx as she spoke out in an attempt to stop a bill which would increase the number of vaccinated kids in California.
Imagine for a moment being Justin Timberlake. Of course there are some terrifying aspects of this scenario; you’re forever going to remind people of Top Ramen, Prince’s ghost will hate you for eternity, and you’ll have Wonder Wheel on your IMDB page forever. But the obvious advantage is that nobody will ever say “no” to you. Wanna rip Janet Jackson’s shirt off in front a worldwide audience? Sure! Want to write pop album but disguise it as a country album? Go ahead! Want to write a book called Hindsight: And All The Things I Can’t See In Front Of Me? Absolutely, Justin! That sounds like a great idea!
It’s a bit redundant to say so, because aren’t all award shows just an excuse for fashion houses to clean out their local Fabric Barn and send a famous person down the carpet in more material than a 1980s canopy bed set? But the Emmys did see a lot of by-the-yardage last night, like on Jessica Biel, who said yes to a white Ralph & Russo dress. If you think Jessica and Justin Timberlake look like they stopped by the Emmys on their way to appearing on the top of a wedding cake, you’re not the only one.
You might as well clutch your My Buddy doll (or 80s toy of your choice) to your chest, crawl back inside your mother, and pretend you’ve never been born. Because it’s been announced that Sony Pictures TV, along with Leonardo DiCaprio and Jessica Biel’s production companies, are in the early stages of giving The Facts of Life the reboot treatment.
UsWeekly has found out some sad news. Jessica Biel’s rich lady side project and quirky-named overpriced eatery for the top 3% of infants–Au Fudge–has closed its doors. And it probably has a lot to do with many of the reviews saying that it should’ve been called “Oh shit!” because that’s what they said when walking into that dirty mess of a place and looking at the $17 burger on the menu. Open for almost two years, the “trendy eatery” was founded with the idea that rich moms should be able to drink mimosas and eat fudge in peace while their children did art and whatever while watched by their nannies. Where will those rich moms go now?!
While that may look like a group of middle-aged dorks visiting the Hollywood Walk of Fame star of their favorite actor, Adam Sandler, before going to party at 4pm at Dave & Buster’s, it’s actually middle-age-ish dorks getting their Hollywood Walk of Fame star today. If me Googling “How can I relieve my sciatica pain?” didn’t confirm to me that we all get old, this picture of *NSYNC did.
Like all of us, *NSYNC’s fans are getting old, but thousands of them still pulled their IcyHot-slathered limbs out of bed at the hour of the dead this morning to camp out in Hollywood to see Chris Kirkpatrick (looking like Guy Fieri’s #1 fan), Lance Bass (looking like a South Florida realtor), JC Chasez (looking like the country’s least popular Vincent Vega impersonator), Joey Fatone (looking extra DILF-ey, you can judge me for that), and Justin Timberlake (looking like a ~hip~ preacher of a new age church).