One of the things I know about Jose Canseco (besides that he’s an HGH-pumped mess) is that back in his 2008 autobiography Vindicated, he claimed Madonna had allegedly courted him as a sperm donor in the 90s. According to Jose, she basically cornered him like, “Listen, I want you to get me pregnant.” According to a new story from Dennis Rodman, that was Madonna’s go-to move in the 90s when she had both baby fever and a professional athlete’s phone number. Although Dennis adds a new layer to his experience, which is that Madonna was willing to trade millions of her money for millions of his sperm.
In case you’re looking for a Material Top or a Material Bottom on Grindr while watching Madonna hump the stage later this year at DELAYED show residencies, you’re shit out of luck! Madonna, who spent a good chunk of Hamilton texting most likely her latest youngin’ to suck the soul from, will NOT be ignored. No, that doesn’t mean she’s going to use another Aretha Franklin memorial segment to promote herself. Instead, she’s making people check their cell phones AND their dignity when they arrive to her shows this fall.
Queerty says that if you got tickets to Madonna‘s first shows in her “intimate” Madame X Tour, which begins next month, you can shove those tickets right up your ass–because it ain’t happening. At least not for now, as it’s being reported that some of Madonna’s first shows have been postponed or canceled completely. The reason? The show is just too high tech and it’s not ready yet.
Even though Big Little Lies probably won’t be getting a third season (thank God), somebody forgot to tell Madonna. Maybe she gets really crappy cell reception in Portugal because she clearly did not get the memo. Madonna wasted hours and hours of her precious time making an audition reel for season 3 in which she heads out to the beach wearing a severe bang. Not only that, Madonna, I’m sorry, Madame X, who is practically a black woman herself, is joined by a group of “Black women from the island of Cape Verde, a former Portuguese colony with a central role in the slave trade” (via Refinery29), increasing the black population of Montery from 2 (Zoë Kravitz and her witchy mom), to dozens. Meryl Streep could never.
In this whole “Madame X” era, Madonna has been bringing something that helped make her a legendary STAH. No, I’m not talking about the iconic(ally ugly) bow bonnet beret that she works in the Borderline video (although, Madame X really needs to bring that back). I’m talking about CONTROVERSY. So far, Madge has let us know she is pro-toe licking, featured Mykki Blanco as a dancing Joan of Arc in a video, and sort-of-kind-of made a lukewarm statement about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. And in her video for God Control, Madge gets into gun control. Madge’s song I Rise touches on gun violence, but she really gets into it here.
Madonna’s been terrorizing our ear-holes all spring with new music from her latest album Madame X. We were told Madame X was some kind of secret agent who travels around the world, shifting identities and solving problems like Israeli–Palestinian conflict and tenacious toe fungus. Now Madonna, sorry, Madame X, has a new video that would like to ask for your enthusiastic consent to jizz in your eye (consent is understood to have been given when you click on the little triangle).
In this video for the song Dark Ballet, Madame X brought a big duffle bag full of Mission Impossible rubber masks and takes on the identity of (guessing using her list of Madame X alter egos for reference) a prisoner, a nun, and a saint. I wish she had also managed to shoehorn The Cabaret Singer in there as well, but this isn’t one of the “fun” ones. It starts with a lengthy quote from Joan of Arc followed by a black man being burnt at the stake. See, not fun at all.