Open Post: Hosted By Tilda Swinton Looking Like The Mayor Of Whoville At The VFF Premiere Of “Suspiria”
If you can’t get Toni Collette for your satanic dance academy horror flick remake (ooo, Hereditary was so good and she was so good in it as Trauma Mom), then you grab yourself some Tilda Swinton! Tilda is the androgynous acting angel whose handsome countenance lifts every movie she’s in to a much higher level. Here she is at the Suspiria premiere at the Venice International Film Festival yesterday looking like she’s about to shut the Grinch down with some roast beast and a bit of “HA HOO WHORE HAY.”
Luca Guadagnino’s remake of the 1977 horror classic Suspiria is getting mixed reviews so far, but Tilda’s been noted as the bright spot. And there’s a rumor that 82-year-old newcomer Lutz Ebersdorf, who plays a shrink in the movie, is really Tilda in heavy prosthetics. Luca has denied that. I believe Luca. Like Tilda needs prosthetics to change into another face. All she has to do is raise her face toward the rays shooting off of her home planet and hum the shape-shifting chant of her alien ancestors as her face changes into that of an 82-year-old German man. Prosthetics! How insult. They act like Tilda is a mere human.
Check out more pics of Tilda from the Suspiria premiere in the gallery below including Dakota Johnson, Thom Yorke (he did the music), Cate Blanchett, Naomi Watts, Alek Wek, Chloe Grace Moretz, Mia Goth, and the original Suspiria’s star Jessica Harper!
Naomi Watts really did a number on me last year when it came out that (despite Liev Schrieber’s versatility in bouncing from a Shakespearean role to playing Cotton Weary in Scream) Liev would NOT maintain his 11-year part in pleasing Naomi’s Aussie cooch. The duo split, and garbled out the typical “We have huge love and respect for one another and high hopes for it to remain that way going forward” ca-ca. That is the usual prerequisite in Hollywood, before one of them fucks a member of the hired help and then has to buy them a Prius as hush money.
Well, it seems Naomi’s role as a horny therapist in Gypsy is sending tingles to her lady bits, as Page Six reports. Supposedly, she’s bumping Down Unders with her TV-husband (and MasterCard “Priceless” guy!) Billy Crudup. Continue reading
Tomorrow we find out if all the hard work and hand jobs Ryan Reynolds has been giving have paid off when the Oscar nominations are announced. But today we find out whose lazy hand job of a performance was rewarded with a 2017 Razzie nomination
There was a nominations sweep at this year’s Razzies. Zoolander 2 got 9 nominations, followed closely behind by Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice with 8. Sorry, 1997’s Batman and Robin, it looks like you’re still the Batman movie with the most Razzie nominations. But don’t worry, there’s a chance that Batman movie written and directed by Ben Affleck could happen.
Jared Leto’s award dreams came true in the most Twilight Zone-y of ways. He’s not going to get the Oscar nomination he was no doubt sure he was going to get, but he did get a Worst Supporting Actor Razzie for Suicide Squad. And Julia Roberts’ performance as Lady Wearing a Bad Wig in Mother’s Day earned her a Worst Actress nomination. That wig didn’t get a Worst Supporting Actor nomination, because of course it didn’t; that wig worked its ass off and supported her like a load-bearing beam.
And Ben Affleck received his 10th Razzie nomination today. The big one-zero! He should go out and celebrate tonight for reaching a career milestone. Maybe his BFF Tom Brady will treat Ben to a steamed green bean and unseasoned fish dinner at his house.
The list of nominees is after the cut.
And here comes 2016 to drag another relationship into the Love Is Dead Cemetery and bury it next to Brangelina’s marriage.
Well, this one hurts. Tall piece of emotionless hotness Ray Donovan (real name: Liev Schreiber) and Naomi Watts were at the Venice Film Festival earlier this month (see: pictures below) to pimp out their movie The Bleeder, and they were pretty much over as a couple at that point. Everyone is breaking up! They both put out a statement to everyone today saying that they’re separating after 11 years and politely told us nosy whores to please respect the “privacy please” sign hanging on the front door to their lives:
“Over the past few months we’ve come to the conclusion that the best way forward for us as a family is to separate as a couple. It is with great love, respect, and friendship in our hearts that we look forward to raising our children together and exploring this new phase of our relationship. While we appreciate your curiosity and support, we ask the press to be mindful of our children and respect their right to privacy.”
Liev and Naomi made two sons together: 9-year-old Alexander “Sasha” Pete and 7-year-old Samuel Kai.
Since it seems like nowadays two famous types can’t break up without some sort of ESCANDALO coming out, I won’t be too surprised if I have to use the “scandal” tag in a future post about Liev and Naomi. (And yes, I see those old “wandering peen” rumors and blind items winking at me.)
And if celebrity break-ups come in threes, I wonder who’s next? Beyonce and Jay-Z? Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson? Shauna Sand and Lucite heels ? (Why did I even put that out there?) That demonic cunt 2016 better not even look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. My almost-dead and frozen heart will really die and freeze over if Joanna and Dean from Overboard end their unbreakable love.
What you are looking at above is Ashley Judd, Jim Belushi, Amanda Seyfried, David Duchovny, Naomi Watts, Matthew Lillard, Michael Cera, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Trent Reznor. And if you can believe it, you’re only looking at less than 20% of the cast of the Twin Peaks reboot. I hope Showtime knows how to place a casual encounters ad on Craigslist, because something tells me they’re going to need to make a couple extra bucks to make sure all those paychecks don’t bounce.
The cast list for Showtime’s Twin Peaks reboot was announced today. We already knew that most of the original cast was open to coming back. But thanks to Showtime, we now know that pretty much everyone in David Lynch’s Rolodex is coming with them. Variety has a screen grab of the cast list, and I’ve put it after the cut.
I almost typed “methiness.” That works too.
I’m also with Theo James (the dude in the poster). When I look at Zoe Kravitz’s hair, I too don’t know if I want to slather it with soy sauce and take a huge bite out of it since it looks like an overstuffed spicy tuna roll. Or slather it with lube, pat my b-hole thrice for good luck and bounce on it.
Last night was the NYC premiere of the second movie in the Divergent series, the franchise that is the Rita Ora to The Hunger Games’ RiRi. Nearly everybody showed up looking a wreck (see the fuckery in gallery). Maggie Q came dressed as a bordello-owning villainess who wears the scalped hair of her victims on her dress. Dylan McDermott wore the half-assed Neo from The Matrix costume that every dude wore in 1999. And Shailene Woodley somehow managed to make one of Walter Mercado’s favorite funeral-going pantsuits look dull and boring. But Zoe Kravitz was the biggest wreck of them all. Leave it to Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet’s daughter to show those hos how messiness is really done.
If the Gorton’s Fisherman did a line of goth stripper clothes for Frederick’s, that ensemble on Zoe would be the crown jewel of his collection. Zoe is kind of like a walking sex party. You can use her hair as a dildo, her dress as a sex hammock and those fringes as whips. Whenever you make assholes and coochies pucker with your hairstyle, you won the night.