When we were all treated (and I mean treated in the fullest sense of the word) to pictures of Gigi Hadid’s Pee-wee’s multi-million dollar Playhouse apartment, I only had one real concern, and it was wondering how she was going to baby proof that place. How do you even secure a 7-foot tall ballpoint pen to the wall to prevent a tipping accident? I don’t think IKEA sells the hardware for that. Well, however they did it, they did it just in time. BecauseGigi and Zayn Malik’s child has finally been born into this world.
Leave it to the wealthy to test the limits of taste. Take for example Gigi Hadid’s newly renovated $5.82 million Manhattan apartment where the kitchen cabinets are inlaid with macaroni art and the fruit bowl on the counter is filled with pool balls instead of apples. It’s as tasteless as it is tooth-obliterating. Gigi’s apartment looks like the “luxury” version of Bella Thorne’s Trippy Twins Fun House, and if I wasn’t afraid of contracting Hepatitis C from Other Bella’s place, I’d stay there over Gigi’s confusing “I have too many publicists in my ear lying to me about what’s ‘on trend’” abode. At least Other Bella’s place looks lived in (and fucked in, drugged in, and explosive diarrhea-ed in). There’s nothing honest about Gigi’s pad, least of all the heavily padded invoice her decorator probably wrote out using the giant novelty pen that sits in the corner next to the powder room which is wallpapered in already puckering New Yorker magazine covers.
People are so starved for novel entertainment these days that scores of them logged onto Instagram Live last night to watch a grainy Drake bop his big ass head over some dusty beats he had stored in the back of his closet. And not even his primary closet, the closet in his 16th tackiest guest room. According to Complex, Drake “accidentally” (emphasis mine) played a track that was a previously unreleased collaboration with Future in which he raps “Kylie Jenner that’s a side piece” and that he’s got “20 motherfucking Kylies.” As charming and fitting a sentiment as that is, in the cold hard light of day, Drake found the need to say oopsie and blamed the DJ.
Yesterday, we posted about how 25-year-old Gigi Hadid got pregnant with 27-year-old Zayn Malik’s child and the child is reportedly a girl. When the news broke, all the pretty plastic people parted their perfectly plumped lips and let out sexy little gasps. Soon, they would have a new Gorgeous Baby Messiah, with cheekbones carved by Gorgeous Jesus himself! Gigi and Zayn pulled this maybe-whoopsie after reconciling in December after a year-long break.
Today Gigi’s mom, Yolanda Hadid, formerly of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, chronic Lyme disease survivor, and Mohamed Hadid & David Foster’s ex-wife, has confirmed the news that her baby is having a baby, and the baby girl is due in September! She spilled the news to a Dutch TV show (Yolanda’s Dutch, she didn’t just throw a dart on a map of the world). Continue reading
Gigi Hadid And Zayn Malik Are Expecting A Baby, And She May Have Had A Gender Reveal Party On Her Birthday (UPDATE)
In case you couldn’t tell from the sound of Directioners screaming themselves dead over another member of the future One Direction reboot group A Different Direction being born (even though Zayn Malik isn’t in that shit anymore), TMZ says that 25-year-old Gigi Hadid is pregnant with a baby she made with 27-year-old Zayn. But this isn’t a quarantine baby from boffing during the lockdown. Gigi is apparently 20 weeks along.
In “Parents, come and get your fucking brats” news, there is a new feud to roll your eyes to this weekend and it comes in the form of Jake Paul vs. Zayn Malik vs. Gigi Hadid. Now, I’m old. I had to Google Jake Paul because I thought he was another person with the same job description and completely forgettable, punchable face. Turns out, I was thinking of his brother Logan Paul, who, surprisingly, has yet to enter the ring of this all-star mud-slinging match. Logan is the douche who filmed a suicide victim, and Jake is the douche who filmed himself doing the #BirdBoxChallenge while driving a car, among other shit.
Once I got over the initial embarrassment of mistaking Logan for Jake, I did my damndest to follow along to the vicious tweets, complete with eight-grade level name-calling, to try to understand what these children were fighting about. I say, what “they” were fighting about…as usual, Zayn just sat there and ate his food while his ex-girlfriend turned rumored new girlfriend, Gigi, stood by her man and defended his legacy as a “respectful king” (ugh, fucking hell).