When the MET Gala happened last week I was off in the Canadian Rockies having my ears hammered with wrong sounding vowels (sorry, Allison) and sharing a thready wifi connection with a bunch of mountain loving nerds (sorry, my husband) so I had to play catch up once I got back to civilization (sorry, Canada. Universal healthcare < a decent burrito). I was so excited to see what Hollywood’s interpretation of the theme, Camp: Notes on Fashion, would be. Boy, was I disappointed when I learned that Thee Billy Porter was the only motherfucker in town who knew what time it was. What a bust. One big question on people’s mind was why didn’t RuPaul come in drag and school the girls with a freshman seminar on camp. Ru didn’t feel like it, okurrr?
It shouldn’t really surprise anyone that the black sheep of the Entertainment industry Lindsay Lohan has crawled out from underneath her bridge to participate in some good old-fashioned trolling after Monday’s Met Gala. She probably scoured the internet for hours picking apart each outfit she found until she came across Zendaya‘s Cinderella-themed look and shouted “A ha! This is how I’ll get attention!” because she is now claiming Zendaya’s entire look is the Market Pantry version of Claire Danes‘ light-up look from 2016’s Met Gala.
I would imagine the only thing eaten at the Met Gala is one’s words when Anna Wintour shows up in that same mother of the bride dress with a boa year after year and you have to pretend to like it or else never appear on Vogue again. The horror! Anyway, Tiffany Haddish seemed to confirm what we all thought: the only things served at a Met Gala are eye rolls and vodka waters. Tiffany arrived to last night’s camp-themed event looking like the Hamburglar with a Ramen wig topped with a hat I definitely have seen worn around town by some Paul Revere impersonators, but her weave wasn’t the only food she was packing. Tiff brought her secret chicken recipe for when she knew she wouldn’t get full from the menu of Tic-Tacs and self-loathing inside.
Fitting that I’m writing about Cher because you haven’t seen the last of me!
Most years it seems like 90% of the tricks who somehow get an invite to the Met Gala ignore the theme and just shamelessly promote themselves with a hot piece on their arm and perky chi-chis (just ask Tom Brady. His chi-chis are always perky and he avoids Met Gala theme). This year’s camp theme actually got some people adhering to the costume rule, but the night’s biggest surprise, however, came later when Cher (the actual Cher) showed up to sing.
Most tricks of the Met Gala did not do the smart thing before picking their outfits by consulting true experts in camp like John Waters, the ghost of Divine, Angelyne, Elvira, Harald Gloockler, Tan Mom, or even Phoebe Price. It seems that many of them went to the same place: CHER. There was so much Cher-a-likes that the damn theme should’ve been Cher, who even performed (more on that in a second). Celine Dion also slathered herself in Cher, but it worked for me, because she’s Celine Dion, and also it looked like her head was getting attacked by a gay tumbleweed. Celine was asked what camp is to her, and her answer was so hilarious and wrong that I think it counts as camp…
RuPaul and Solange Knowles are two stunt queens extraordinaire. Last year at the Met Gala, Solange wore a latex cocoon/Mother Theresa get up, and RuPaul is biggest drag queen in the world–so our expectations for seeing these two bring camp to life was pretty high. Well, buckle in for that fall from those bloated expectations, because both Mama Ru and Solange hit us with some pretty normal-looking fashion-fare. Ru didn’t even throw on any drag! Blasphemy!