I never thought I’d be saying this, but Naomi Campbell is all of us. She recently revealed her air travel routine and honestly, she’s never been more relatable. Sure she flies first class and is accompanied by a bodyguard, but Naomi wanders around the duty free shop trying on lip gloss and is skeeved out by being trapped in a disgusting tin can chock full of cooties and sitting in other peoples’ germ stew, just like the rest of us. Somebody offered Naomi a big enough check (Nice Airport and Qatar Airlines, I think) to make a video detailing her international flight routine, and it’s illuminating. Naomi flies commercial, you guys!
I mean, she stole the Titanic’s ass, so is this much of a shock? Sartorial sleuths who have kept a National Archives-level documentation of everything Naomi Campbell has worn, noticed recently that Kim Kardashian seems to be making a point of showing up in frocks Naomi once strutted down the runway. It’s not exactly like the Kardashians are known for setting trends beyond making everyone want to get paid to do nothing, but I guess trying to snatch Naomi’s style is the straw that broke the fashion camel’s back.
25-year-old Liam Payne and 48-year-old Naomi Campbell have been a thing for a minute. Given how Naomi can cut diamonds with her steely AF “Kendall Jenner who?” gaze, there was chatter Liam’s friends were telling him to be careful with this one. To the shock of EVERYONE, she’s still showing him there’s one direction, and that is to head to the side and let her shine SOLO!
It’s escalated from puppy love and meeting with the president of Ghana to aggressively bumping uglies between Liam Payne and Naomi Campbell. Guess he has a type because, if you can believe a British tabloid, Liam is having “mind-blowing” sex with (ANOTHER) older woman. Somehow, I believe it’s mind-blowing because Naomi screams at him about proper positioning the whole time so she walks away pleased and he just whimpers in a corner.
It’s hard to imagine Naomi Campbell getting all soft and goofy over a boy. Yet she did, or at least she pretended to, recently when she exchanged kissy faces and heart emojis with Liam Payne, formally of One Direction. Now, according to Daily Star, things are getting serious and Naomi may even have been practicing writing “Mrs. Payne” in cursive on the inside of her Trapper Keeper (coincidentally, Mrs. Payne is also her dominatrix name). Naomi and Liam were spotted attending a concert together at London’s O2 Arena where they shared a private suite, reigniting rumors that the two have indeed been K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Put that in your Trapper Keeper and smoke it!
It was bad enough to feel solidly over the cusp of middle age when the teenage lads from One Direction broke up (or went on an indefinite hiatus, if you are a glass half full kind of Directioner). Then some of the boys started popping out babies and I felt down right Social Security recipient old. This morning I feel like the Cryptkeeper took a dump on my head with the news that Naomi Campbell and Liam Payne flirted. Yes, supermodel and professional phone thrower Naomi Campbell, age 48 and Liam Payne, 25 were flirting on Instagram so that 100% confirms that they are practically married already.