Somebody get Chris Pine on the phone and let him know that Harrison Ford says only Harrison Ford gets to be Indiana Jones. Then please ask Chris Pine to make a courtesy call to Chris Pratt and let him know that his services won’t be needed for any future remake, reboot or re-imagining of Indiana Jones, and that Harrison Ford has no idea who he is. Yes, I’ll wait. I’ll wait a lifetime if it means I get to see the crestfallen look on Pratt’s face when he hears the news that he’s Harrison’s “WHO?”. The One And Only full grown Indiana Jones (River Phoenix as young Indy doesn’t count because in that world, Harrison was still the definitive Indiana Jones) appeared on NBC’s Today, whipped out his dick and pissed a perimeter around himself stating unequivocally that he is, and will always be, the only Indiana Jones of record.
I’m so used to seeing Oprah Winfrey giving tons of high-energy excitement on the cover of O Magazine, that it’s a little weird to see her working such drabness on the cover of Vanity Fair’s annual Hollywood Issue. I know the theme of ever Hollywood Issue “Stars who forgot to pop an Ambien the night before and only got 2 hours of sleep,” and I’ll applaud Oprah for playing along. But you know there’s a part of her that wanted to drop Reese Witherspoon, rip off that black satin duvet cover to reveal a shimmering jewel-toned gown underneath, throw up her arms and crank a full-tooth smile behind a headline that reads “2018 Is Your Year To SHINE!”
Crowds didn’t exactly swamp the movie theater this weekend to spend three hours with Harrison Ford and Ryan Gosling in Blade Runner 2049 — even if Harrison really did punch precious pony Ryan! Continue reading
Harrison Ford is forever? Maybe that explains how his 75-year-old ass has been able to walk away from multiple plane accidents.
Last December, Ryan Gosling told GQ a story about how he took a punch to his pretty face from Harrison while filming Blade Runner 2049. It was during a take where Harrison was supposed to stage punch Ryan, but Harrison ended up getting a real one in. Now it’s time for Harrison’s side of the story.
The next time you’re in a plane that’s taxiing, look out the window, because your eyeballs might get hit with the sparkle shooting off of Harrison Ford’s stunning earring as he flies over you while thinking he’s heading toward the runway. The FAA ruled that they won’t snatch away Harrison Ford’s pilot’s license or fine him for landing one of his
helicopters Snoopy planes on the taxiway instead of a runway at John Wayne Airport in Orange County, CA back in February.
74-year-old Harrison Ford is free to continue flying, so everyone just stay away from golf courses – actually, stay inside with a helmet on and keep under a sturdy table because he could crash on your ass.
“Ahahahaha, Harry, you so funny, saying that you’re going to take your Snoopy plane out tomorrow after you crashed that bitch a couples of time!”
The FAA is still investigating Harrison Ford after he landed his
helicopter plane on a taxiway instead of a runway at John Wayne Airport in Orange County, CA last week. Air traffic controllers told 74-year-old Harrison to land on runway 20-L at John Wayne and he reportedly repeated the instructions back to them, but when it came time to land, his brain said fuck it and he headed for the taxiway instead. It was reported that Indy nearly missed a 737 that was full of 116 people. TMZ posted video of Han Solo’s latest whoops in the sky, and they say that it’s a major piece of the FAA’s investigation. The FAA could either slap Han Solo on the wrist or suspend his pilot’s license.
My only experience with flying a plane comes from playing with this old Barbie plane my friend’s mom kept from the 70s, so that practically makes me an expert. And in my expert opinion, that “near miss” doesn’t look as dramatic as tricks made it sound. I thought that Harrison flew so damn close to the 737 that he could’ve high-fived the pilots, and he would’ve, because that’s a total Indiana Jones move. But still, the next time (if there is a next time) that Harrison Ford gets into the pilot’s seat on a plane, an emergency CODE 10 is immediately going to go out. Planes are going to land, runways will be cleared and dozens of birds will huddle under your patio like, “The sky ain’t safe, Han Solo is out there.”