Amy Schumer has a new show on the Food Network called Amy Schumer Learns To Cook. The premise is, you guessed it, Amy Schumer learns to cook, with the help of her chef husband, Chris Fischer. They film it themselves while their recently re-named baby, Gene
Attell David Fischer, naps. And while most live-in nannies would use a sleeping child as a much-deserved break, Amy’s nanny, Jane, has been put to work as their director of photography. Hey, at least she’s diversifying that resumé.
In the last episode, Amy and Chris made pasta, which Amy paired with the “cocktail” of chardonnay. Then she called up her totally relatable bestie, Jennifer Lawrence (who also recently married a Cook[e]), to talk shop (booze). Jennifer actually picked up. I know, answering a voice call in 2020?! OK, mom.
As expected, extremely relatable Hollywood starlet Jennifer Lawrence, 29, married the “gallerist” of her dreams, Cooke Maroney, 34, in a lavish ceremony at the Belcourt of Newport mansion in Rhode Island yesterday. “Cooke Maroney” sounds like an old-timey gangster from a cartoon so is it too much to imagine that he said his vows in a Jimmy Cagney-eque accent, see, while the defiantly down-to-earth J-Law made a fart joke when she said hers? Probably not.
When I’m not blogging badly about celebrities on the weekend, I have a day job in Rhode Island. People at work who know about my moonlighting were all excited for me this week because Jennifer Lawrence is getting married at the veddy, veddy grand Belcourt in Newport today. “Aren’t you excited for J-Law’s wedding,” they asked? As if I had an invite! As if I was going to try to crash to get the scoop! They KNOW I’m too busy stalking Taylor Swift outside of her manse on Watch Hill for any Dlisted-worthy staged holiday photoshoots! As for the wedding, Adele, Kris Jenner, Nicole Richie and Cameron Diaz are some of J-Law’s celebrity guests in the postage stamp state this weekend for the celebrity wedding planner Mark Seed-planned, 150 guest wedding.
There’s no short of “mights” involved when it comes to conversations about Jennifer Lawrence and her fiancé Cooke Maroney. They might be getting married soon. They might have already gotten married at the courthouse. But if you choose to limit your JLaw wedding news to only one source, and that source being Amazon.com, then the only “might” could be limited to: “I might buy Jennifer and Cooke a $17.99 Himalayan salt lamp!” And that’s just the tip of the salt lamp. According to Jennifer’s Amazon registry, she also wants a $113 fondue set and a $1,995 spin bike.
We already knew there was a chance Jennifer Lawrence would transition her Hot Girl Summer into a tasteful and basic Modern Bride Fall. She had the ring, and she had allegedly picked out her dress and the venue. The only thing we didn’t know was whether Jennifer’s publicist would hook her and her dress up with a corny headline that read “INTRODUCING MRS. AMERICA’S SWEETHEART” on the cover of Vogue or People.
But it sounds like Jennifer’s plans might have changed somewhere along the way, because sources are saying that she quietly got hitched to her fiancé Cooke Maroney in a very understated way.
Jennifer Lawrence is about to become Jennifer Maroney, thus making her the second-best J. Maroney. But that also means JLaw needs one last wild night of single-girl debauchery, which for JLaw most likely will mean boozing, farting, falling, puking, and pissing in a $2000 Dior dress. And according to The Sun, said night will be planned by her friend Adele. I know some people aren’t here for bachelorette parties in gay bars, but I have a feeling this one will be welcomed.