Well, now I get why Ben Affleck wasn’t feeling very festive at the Grammys, and it had nothing to do with his relationship with Jennifer Lopez. I have just watched the trailer for Ben’s upcoming film Air, which he directed and which stars his work wife, Matt Damon, and if you had put your heart and soul into the work, and even went so far as to give yourself the same Ogilvie Home Perm my mom used to rock back in the day, and this was the result? Well, then, you’d look miserable too. The movie is about two Nike bros who save the ailing company by exploiting Michael Jordan’s popularity. I know Viola Davis, who plays MJ’s mom in this, looked perfectly happy at the Grammys, but she probably only had to roll through for a couple of hours for her scenes. She’s not that invested, and why should she be? She already done had herses (EGOT). So naturally she wasn’t clenching her ass cheeks all night waiting for the trailer about the other shoe to drop. But Ben earned his misery fair and square.
And it didn’t make history because it was the first time everyone in the audience and the viewers at home said the words, “Wow, what an enjoyable and short award ceremony!“. I’m sure some people said that, due to the fact that the SAG Awards clocked in at a tight 60 minutes, as promised. And there was no doubt a lot of people appreciated that a pre-taped show cut out the middle man (the middle man being a long-winded acceptance speech that begins with at least 9 full seconds of folded paper fumbling). But the big news was that for the first time in SAG Awards history, all four film acting categories went to non-white nominees. Like the category for Female Actor in a Leading Role – Motion Picture, which went to Viola Davis, seen above freaking out from the comfort of her own couch.
When Rudy Giuliani dragged out his star witness Melissa Carone, a contractor for Dominion Voting Systems, during a hearing about Trump’s voter fraud allegations in front of Michigan’s House Oversight Committee, some people said, “So that’s what happened to Victoria Jackson?!“, and others said, “Oh, so it looks like Rudy just went up to a random drunk mess in an Applebee’s parking lot and offered her a coupon for a free Long Island Iced Tea if she claimed she witnessed voter fraud while testifying before Michigan’s House Oversight Committee.” People also wondered who would play that broken Bump-It in human form on Saturday Night Live’s inevitable skit about this mess, and while I saw “Kaley Cuoco after getting jumped by a bunch of rabid raccoons while on a NyQuil high“, many saw Cecily Strong since she’s got her Ph.D. in playing drunk wrecks. And that’s who we got!
Nearly two years ago, it was rumored that Clue, the iconic board game-turned-even more iconic movie, was finally going to get the remake treatment Hollywood has been talking about for the past ten years. Ryan Reynolds, alongside the writers of Deadpool (Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick), were tied to a remake, which would be the first in a three-series movie deal with 20th Century Fox. Ryan is still involved, which means plenty of jokes involving Mrs. Peacock in the billiard room. And according to Deadline, the person yelling, “Okay, cut – I think we’ve got more than enough jokes about cocks and balls” will be Jason Bateman.
You probably remember that back in May, the cast of Arrested Development sat down for an interview for The New York Times which ended with Jessica Walter in tears. She was trying to talk about Jeffrey Tambor being a rageaholic asshole to her on set, and Jason Bateman, Tony Hale, and David Cross were practically tripping over each other to rush to his defense. People were rightfully outraged. One such person was Thomas Sadoski. Now, before you start practicing your owl calls, I’ll remind you that he is Amanda Seyfried‘s husband. Apparently, Thomas rushed to Jessica’s defense on Instagram as soon as he heard about it, and read the boys for filth. But if an owl hoots in the woods and there’s nobody following him, does it even count? But I guess somebody must have seen it because Amanda claims that he recently lost out on a job because of it.
You would think being married to one of the founders and most vocal proponents of the Time’s Up movement might have some added benefits such as, helping you develop a more nuanced understanding of sexual politics in the workplace, or, how to craft a winning apology. But apparently that’s not how it works in the Tamblyn-Cross household. David Cross is taking heat for his participation in that New York Times interview with the cast of Arrested Development that should have been called “How To Sink A Show Before It Even Airs”.