Remember that Jonas Brothers song, What’s A Man Gotta Go?, that came out last month? Of course you don’t. It was not good or memorable in any way. However, turns out the lyric, “what’s a man gotta do to be totally locked up by you?” is as prophetic as it is clunky. According to Us Weekly, in the case of Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, the answer is to raw dog a baby up in there. Sure, they’re already married, but as we know all too well, a baby is the only way to guarantee getting locked up for a 18 year minimum sentence. Us Weekly claims that Sophie is pregnant, but we don’t know how far along she is, or really any proof that Joe is the father. In fact, Us offers so few details, I’m not 100 percent convinced that Matthew Modine isn’t actually the father based on the sparks I saw flying in that music video.
While, as Michael already pointed out, Prince’s eyes are probably still rolling in their grave after Usher gave him a tribute (still better than what Usher has given to people in the past) at last night’s Grammy Awards, there was one thing that Prince could be proud of. Prince’s fashion DNA was all over the red carpet, right down to the bare asscheeks. The men were having fun at the Grammys, outshining the women with looser expressions of gender and daring accessories. Let the girly-girls like Ariana Grande have their beautiful gowns. With the exception of the Jonas Brothers, the men of the red carpet took risks that paid dividends (the Jonas bros’ bronzed blazers with wives as accessories should file for fashion bankruptcy). Sorry ladies, its the guys time to shine. We already know what boobs look like.
The Jonas Brothers got back together, remember? They have a new music video out for their latest single, What A Man Gotta Do, and like their previous video for Sucker, this one too costars all three Mrs. Jonases. In the video for WAMGD, with the help of their wives Priyanka Chopra, Danielle Jonas, and Sophie Turner, Nick, Kevin, Joe recreate scenes from Risky Business, Grease and Say Anything, which their young fans have probably never seen. But if you’re like me and watched The Circle on Netflix, you too may be wondering where the elusive 4th and 5th Jonas Brothers, Clayton and Steve, are. Maybe they’re unmarried, so they’ve been kicked out of the band. I guess wives are the new purity rings.
The year is 2019, and there’s a teddy bear in Naughty by Nature. It’s as confusing a notion as it is a sentence to read. But these are the times we are living in. Time to accept that what once was in the past, will be revisiting us in the present (with a collection of random pop culture barnacles from The Time Tube attached), to confuse future generations. So now NBN (pictured above with their new bear Illtown Sluggaz and Redman) has a Kanye West style College Dropout teddy bear in it, and Treach has gone from excoriating his ex-wife Pepa (of Salt-N-Pepa fame) on Instagram, to parading around in bondage gear and issuing confusing handkerchief codes at the 2019 MTV Video Music Awards. Hip hop hooray?
It’s insane to think you can top a quickie Vegas wedding officiated by an Elvis impersonator for class and glamour but Joe Jonas and bride Sophie Turner, went for it anyway. The already marrieds were married-married in Provence, France yesterday.
In case you didn’t really know, the Jonas Brothers are now grown up bad boys. Purity rings suck, having sex RULES! And the all-grown Jonas Brothers love to party. They party so hard, the police show up. And not because the police officer wants an autograph for their 8-year-old niece McKaylah.