Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello first became a thing last July and while many thought it was just a stunt that bloomed in a PR office to promote their song together, but they proved everyone wrong (or they had one of those long-term contracts). But well, unfortunately, the two famed for their beautiful love, quarantined zombie walks, and their affinity for PDA are Gen Z’s answer to Ross and Rachel because they’re on a break!
Earlier this year when Lana Del Rey turned up at the Grammys rocking what looked like a $40 Chico’s dress and makeup that she clearly did herself in the bumpy cab ride over, it seemed pretty obvious that the girl has no stylist. Well, apparently she also doesn’t seem to have a publicist because nobody is stepping in to stop her from tweeting her career down the toilet. If anybody in the LDR camp is listening: head over to Lana’s bedroom, turn down the Doja Cat record, slap the Marlboro Lite out of her hand, and take her phone away!
A couple of days ago, Lana Del Rey proved that she doesn’t actually spend 14 hours a day sitting at a vintage vanity, brushing her hair a million times while blowing pink lipglossed kisses to a bottle of Valium. Lana had some things to say on Instagram about her position in the female pop singer pyramid, and so she wrote out a long piece on the matter and posted it to Instagram. According to Lana, she’s on the bottom row; supporting everyone above her while getting zero recognition for her efforts.
The internet took notice, not because they agreed that Lana was underrated and underappreciated, but because Lana chose to single out many high-profile women of color in her quest for success. Lana has responded to all the social media side-eye she received yesterday, and she would like everyone to know her message absolutely 100% did not come from a place of racism, and it’s the media who turned her Instagram post into a me-vs-them situation.
It seems to me that Lana Del Rey has been pretty successful in her career given the fact that I know who she is even though I’m not familiar with her music apart from having a pretty strong feeling it’s the kind of thing one might listen to while wistfully staring out a foggy kitchen window at the rain, wearing a flouncy housecoat and ignoring the screaming kettle that’s sitting on a vintage Wedgwood stove behind you. Her brand is that strong.
However, according to a recent Instagram post, Lana busted out the ye old-timey typewriter font on her notes app and wrote that she feels she’s been “crucified” every time she sings about “feeling beautiful” or “whatever I want,” whereas her rivals are rewarded with “number one songs” for singing about “wearing no clothes,” and name-checking Beyoncé (among others), in the process. Naturally, this statement went over like a lead balloon or Lana on .0005mg of melatonin (it does not take much).
The One World: Together at Home global concert event happened last night, featuring a ton of celebrities who, at some point, got tired of staring at the wall and instead decided to mic up, find the part of their house that looks the least opulent, and croak out some of your favorite karaoke tunes (mostly, sans fards) in real-time. It raised more than $127 million to fight coronavirus, and yes, Ellen DeGeneres found a way to piss people off… during a charity show. It’s a gift!
I get it, people still need fresh air and exercise during this corona quarantine. But some celebrities have proven that they also need attention to live. And since there is absolutely nothing else going on at the moment, getting a sweet, sweet hit of attention is as easy as walking out the front door. If the paparazzi aren’t there, call them on the phone like Ana de Armas allegedly did. If that doesn’t work, do like Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello did yesterday, and get creative. According to The Daily Mail, the professional stunters, who have been in quarantine together for the past two weeks at Camilla’s Miami home, have been pulling out all the stops for their frequent PDA packed pap strolls. They’ve even busted out the props and walked around with coffee mugs a couple of times. I guess that got old, so they tried a new tactic— walking meditation.