Last weekend, a ton of famous people and reality stars got hitched. We already know what Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor looked like when they got hitched, thanks to People magazine. Zoe Kravitz must be waiting for an offer from Hipster Brides, because so far all we have are pictures of her rehearsal dinner outfit. In the meantime, we’ve got some pics to satisfy all those expensive wedding dress enthusiasts out there, courtesy of Katharine McPhee and Sophie Turner.
It’s insane to think you can top a quickie Vegas wedding officiated by an Elvis impersonator for class and glamour but Joe Jonas and bride Sophie Turner, went for it anyway. The already marrieds were married-married in Provence, France yesterday.
In case you didn’t really know, the Jonas Brothers are now grown up bad boys. Purity rings suck, having sex RULES! And the all-grown Jonas Brothers love to party. They party so hard, the police show up. And not because the police officer wants an autograph for their 8-year-old niece McKaylah.
The world’s least dangerous band, the Jonas Brothers, is the subject an Amazon Prime documentary called Chasing Happiness which, as far as I can tell, is about 3 brothers from New Jersey who start a band and become very rich and famous despite the fact that only one of them looks like he knows how to fuck (Kevin don’t @me). In addition to the documentary, the threatened Jonas Brothers reunion is neigh, as is an album full of, I’m sure, Justin Timberlake rejected mid-tempo pop jams called Happiness Begins. For the first time since they broke up in 2013, Nick, Joe and the other one are all grown up, boo’d up, and opening up about what it was like being Disney’s bitch. Turns out they regret nothing. Well except for those purity rings.
We have officially time warped back to 2008 as Taylor Swift is talking about a Joe Jonas break-up, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are fighting. and Sam Lufti is harassing Britney Spears. Taylor Swift went on Ellen to promote her latest children song and said she regrets talking about her relationship with Joe Jonas on Ellen DeGeneres’ show. You know, because talking about relationships hasn’t served Taylor (or her bank account) well at all in the last 10 years. In fact, if we’ve learned anything from the late 2000s (and judging from where we are…we have not) it’s that Taylor should always put who ever she’s dated on blast.
Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner were both in Las Vegas last night. Joe was there with his brothers, Nick and Kevin, because the Jonas Brothers performed their first show together as a band since I graduated from high school. The Jonas Brothers did the Billboard Music Awards and I guess Joe was on such a high he just needed to tie the knot, because after the awards show, the middle Jonas with the biggest dick took his fiancé down to a lil’ Vegas chapel and had themselves a lil’ wedding. Get that new album promo!