Giving his probably now-former hookup Emily Ratajkowski a run for her money in the “How many people can I be publicly linked to in the wake of my breakup?” department (she from Sebastian Bear-McClard; he from Olivia Wilde), Page Six says that Harry Styles and objectively-beautiful-but-boring clothes hanger, Candice Swanepoel, are reportedly getting cozy.
Constantly sprinting to her lawyer’s office to deal with her ex-husband Jason Sudeikis’ fast and loose filing finger and juking from frenemy Emily Ratajkowski’s desperate attempts to apologize for making out with her ex-boyfriend, Harry Styles, must not be intense enough cardio for Olivia Wilde; so she also frequents Gwyneth Paltrow’s shifty hype-woman friend/celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson’s gym. But Olivia and Harry must not have discussed who would get the gym in their November breakup; because he also still goes there, and they both showed up yesterday and very narrowly avoided running into each other and having to exchange fake awkward pleasantries right in front of the paps who are curiously always stationed there.
Emily Ratajkowski Hinted That She And Harry Styles Might’ve Been Dating For Close To Two Months Before Being Papped Together In Tokyo
Since Emily Ratajkowski split from her 5 ‘clock shadowed predator (allegedly) ghost of an Elizabethan child–Sebastian Bear-McClard–last July, she’s been linked to a rapid parade of men. Most recently, she was spotted getting her face slurped on by Harry Styles in Tokyo on March 25–not too long after her and Eric Andre’s Valentine’s Day nude “draw me like one of your pick-me-ass-bitches” stunts. But according to what Emily said during an early March podcast interview, she and Harry might have already been dating for almost two months when they were papped making out.
Yesterday, Emily updated us on what we can only hope is the end of the fan-fueled feud between Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber. We also learned that Selena was spotted moving on to potentially messier horizons by hooking up with Gigi Hadid’s baby daddy, Zayn Malik, formerly of One Direction. More recently, Zayne was shown the door after allegedly getting physical with Gigi’s mom Yolanda Hadid. But as much as I hate to be the one to unravel Emily’s beautifully constructed murder board connecting Selena’s bits to Zayn’s bobbles by way of Hadids, according to Page Six, Selena actually dated Zayn first, back when he and Harry Styles were still moving in the same direction and Harry was dating Taylor Swift. So you see, it all has to come down. Every last push pin and every inch of string. And somebody (not it!) is going to have to hunt down Taylor’s long-lost red scarf cuz we’re gonna need the yarn.
Emily Ratajowski Is Reportedly “Begging” Olivia Wilde For Forgiveness After Kissing Her Ex Harry Styles
I was only partially kidding when I suggested that Emily Ratajkowski might want to hit up Chester P. Hanks for her next stunt following her tryst with Eric Andre, but she somehow outdid even my own imagination by selecting her reported “friend” Olivia Wilde’s ex, Harry Styles, as her latest conquest. Last week Em and Harry were spotted making out in the streets of Tokyo when, according to Page Six, “just weeks ago,” Em and Olivia were hanging out together at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. What was she thinking?! Chet could have provided her all the fuss she could ever hope for, with none of the muss of macking on a popstar with a legion of unruly fans and an ex that she’s friends with. Now Page Six says Emily’s “begging” Olivia “for forgiveness” when she could be talking Chet into getting a tattoo of her face on his face! A loss for us all. Olivia isn’t the only one suffering from Em’s thoughtless “betrayal.”
Harry Styles has seemingly vowed to take his palate on a worldwide journey of Epicurean adventures throughout recent history; first, tethering himself to Olivia Wilde, the finest salad dressing artisan this side of the pond. Then, sampling his own podiatric soup while performing in Australia. And now, he’s taken his edacious tastebuds to the streets of Tokyo, where he and Emily Ratajkowski were just papped awkwardly tasting each other’s desperately attention-seeking mouths.