The M&M’s company has been through it recently. First, the green one lost her high-heeled boots resulting in some angry (and horny) right-wingers demanding that the company make their candies sexy again. Then M&M’s introduced a new female purple peanut candy. This incensed the same group who accused the brand of making their candies “obese.” Feeling the ire of the outrage machine, M&M’s announced that they were retiring the spokescandies and melting them into one single chocolate bar as punishment for their crimes. Maya Rudolph would take their place to ease the pain of their loss. If you were distraught by the news and thought the only way you would ever see the sexy green one or the snarky red guy again was through YouTube videos or VHS tapes of commercials in your basement, then wipe those tears away. It’s a dumb Super Bowl stunt.
From The Department Of Possible Super Bowl Ad Stunts: Maya Rudolph Has Put The M&M Mascots Out Of A Job!
Last year, M&M’s announced a little change-up to their line-up of mascots, and it SHOOK THE WORLD (not really). They decided to retire Ms. Green M&M’s Nancy Sinatra-approved go-go boots for a knock-off pair of Common Project sneakers and also tone down her totally slutty eyelashes. In addition to that, they gave the brown M&M more sensible heels, made the orange one more anxious (it was 2022, we were all more anxious and still are), and added a new mascot, Ms. Purple. Since in 2022 there was nothing really newsworthy to report, Fox News’ Tucker Carlson dedicated an entire segment of his show to slamming the “woke” M&M mascots and whining about how he wouldn’t want to have a drink with any of the new “non-binary” M&Ms. Basically, it seemed he was mad that he no longer has the urge to jizz on an M&M, which probably made the guests in his green room immediately dump the bowl of M&M’s on the end table next to the sofa. To think, they thought those candies were just covered in a weird new coating that M&M’s was trying out. Well, M&M’s is making yet another mascot change and, this time, decided to play it safe by going with someone who Tucker Carlson will never ever get publicly horny for: a Black and Jewish woman! They announced today that the one and only Maya Rudolph will be the new face of M&M’s.
An Ex-Rep For Kim Kardashian Says That Time She Got Flour-Bombed In 2012 Was Planned And She Was In On It
2012 was a much simpler time for Kim Kardashian. Paris Hilton’s former closet organizer was allowed to wear whatever hideous pleather suit from Express she desired without flack from der Fashion Führer. The Met Gala would’ve cackled in her face at the notion of her being invited, so she had no need to beg and “work her fucking ass off” to “fit” into an icon’s dress for a few minutes. And her now-mandated neutral aesthetic was generously gifted to her in the form of a “PETA flour-bombing” on the red carpet of her True Reflection (LOL said all of us who’ve seen every version of her face) perfume launch. We all laughed when bitch got bombed; but apparently, it was Kim who got the last laugh because a PR rep who worked with her during that time said the whole thing was a planned “media moment.”
Cher Showed Off A Huge Diamond Ring That Her Boyfriend, Alexander Edwards, Gave Her For Christmas, But A Source Says They’re Not Engaged
Last month, 76-year-old Cher was papped holding hands with 36-year-old music producer Alexander “AE” Edwards, and a minute later, she confirmed that they’re bumping parts full-time and are together. Since Cher is Cher, I’m sure people are always throwing engagement rings at her in hopes of becoming her third husband. But on Christmas Day, Cher tweeted a picture of a gift from AE, and it looked exactly like a big, sparkly engagement ring. And since Cher is Cher, the tweet confused many who didn’t know if the ring was just a Christmas gift or an engagement. According to E! News, Cher’s accountants don’t need to ring her up to say, “Schnap out of it!” because she is not engaged.
Ben Affleck has spent the past few years making Dunkin iced coffee approximately 92% of his entire identity. He even went viral last year when he became a semi-relatable meme as he juggled a stack of rain-soaked packages (symbolic of the trials and tribulations of life, obviously) as his beloved Dunkin (which I interpreted as sanity) precariously sat atop them, poised to come crashing down at any second–while he also tried to prevent his pants from falling down (not everything has to be a metaphor; bitch just needs to spring for a belt). But Ben is a changed man now that he married his supposed human love, Jennifer Lopez, this past summer. He frolicked in Paris, is so at ease that he fell asleep while afloat on the Seine, and allowed J.Af to
hold him hostage include him in her TikToks. But now, things must’ve gotten super-serious; because while on a recent outing with Jennifer, Ben canoodled with Dunkin’s mortal enemy: Starbucks.
One Of “The Real Housewives Of DC” Wants Us All To Know That She Had A Month-Long Fling With Prince Harry Back In The Day
If this headline seems vaguely familiar, it’s because Catherine “Cat” Ommanney/her nanny already spilled this shit back in 2010. But, it seems as though Cat, a cast member of the long-defunct The Real Housewives of DC, decided to slink out of obscurity to reiterate the story for all of us to consume again; because she says she doesn’t think Prince Harry will mention their month-long tryst in his upcoming memoir, Spare, despite reports that he does talk about some of his other relationships. And also probably because she didn’t want Michaele and Tareq Salahi’s White House breach to be the only semi-memorable stunt to come from someone from arguably the worst Housewives franchise of all time.