It’s insane to think you can top a quickie Vegas wedding officiated by an Elvis impersonator for class and glamour but Joe Jonas and bride Sophie Turner, went for it anyway. The already marrieds were married-married in Provence, France yesterday.
The world’s least dangerous band, the Jonas Brothers, is the subject an Amazon Prime documentary called Chasing Happiness which, as far as I can tell, is about 3 brothers from New Jersey who start a band and become very rich and famous despite the fact that only one of them looks like he knows how to fuck (Kevin don’t @me). In addition to the documentary, the threatened Jonas Brothers reunion is neigh, as is an album full of, I’m sure, Justin Timberlake rejected mid-tempo pop jams called Happiness Begins. For the first time since they broke up in 2013, Nick, Joe and the other one are all grown up, boo’d up, and opening up about what it was like being Disney’s bitch. Turns out they regret nothing. Well except for those purity rings.
You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.
It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!
When most couples celebrate a milestone in each other’s lives, they scrape their pennies together for a steak dinner at Outback before high-tailing it back home to fall asleep during mediocre sex they’ve been avoiding for weeks. Not Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra-Jonas, though. Though they’ve only been married a short time and have both admitted they didn’t know much about each other prior to getting hitched, the reality of their union is that they’re rich as hell and love to throw their wealth in our faces whenever they get a chance. Like recently when Nick bought Priyanka a ridiculously expensive Mercedes Maybach that she’ll probably only drive from the main house to the mailbox on days when she wants to feel more like common folk.
Remember that time not too long ago when Priyanka Chopra-Jonas and Nick Jonas went on an international tour and called that shit a wedding? Well, Nick has admitted that Priyanka was doing too much and he wasn’t into any of it, especially once all of those wedding-related purchases began chipping away at his bank account like wage garnishment on pay day.
It’s Priyanka Chopra in one corner and Duchess Meghan in the other! Time for a round of: Rich And Famous Petty Drama–Wedding Edition, as Page Six is saying that Priyanka is mad at her super-famous super-royal best-friend for not attending her wedding. Someone call Samantha Markle–she finally has someone to bitch about Meghan with!