Category: Kylie Jenner
Kendall Jenner Pissed People Off With A Giant Halloween/Birthday Party
There can be 100 people in the room, and 99 don’t have COVID-19. But if just one person does, it can change everything. I guess these wealthy young celebrity kajillionaires didn’t get that mEmO though, because they’re out there partying like it’s 2019. This past weekend Kendall Jenner followed in sister Kim Kardashian’s tone-deaf footsteps and threw a giant birthday/Halloween bash for her 25th birthday. OK, at this point, they gotta be trolling us poors, right?
Kendall invited 100 guests to Harriet’s Rooftop bar in West Hollywood. They included the usual Kardashian-Jenner crew, Justin and Hailey Bieber, Paris Hilton, The Weeknd (fat suited up as The Nutty Professor), Doja Cat, Jaden Smith, Winnie Harlow, Saweetie, and Quavo. Everybody was required to pass a rapid COVID-19 test on site before going upstairs to the party. Kendall obviously knew she was gonna get shit, so she asked her guests not to post on social media. Ha! As IF she could stop a bunch of attention whores from posting their costumes on Instagram. That’s the only reason they dressed up! Continue reading
Turns Out Greed Wasn’t The Only Reason “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” Was Canceled
It’s time to do a post mortem on the Kardashians. OK, simmer down. I just meant it’s time to discuss what was behind the cancellation of Keeping Up With the Kardashians after 20 seasons. Unfortunately, it’s not because the world has turned sour on the exploits of America’s preeminent family of grifters (basic cable edition). According to TMZ, The Koven feat Kris Jenner basically told E! “Thanks, we’ve got it from here” after deciding their various social media outlets are a sufficient platform for hawking their sundry business ventures. So they’re taking old KUWTK out back, shooting it in the head and shipping the carcass off to the glue factory. Check the label on Kylie Jenner’s new line of lip kits very carefully, it’s definitely NOT vegan.
Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here: Kylie Jenner Tops Forbes’ Celebrity 100 List For 2020.
This is our fault. We did this to ourselves. At some point we’re going to have to take responsibility for ourselves as a country and accept the premise that it is, in fact, a shit hole ruled by oligarchs, grifters, charlatans, and DJs with Marshmello heads, and hopefully, commit to making the changes necessary to rectify that. Otherwise, all is lost. Even if Forbes’ Celebrity 100: The World’s Highest Paid Celebrities list is a dubious distinction, we have to admit that even if their formula is about as scientifically sound as the teachings of Dianetics, it does say a lot about what we value as a culture. And right now it’s saying we value Kylie Jenner the most. She earned $560 million. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but 2020 will do strange things to a person—Taylor Swift was ROBBED! Last year’s #1 dropped to #25 ($63.5M) and Kanye West scooted into Kylie’s former #2 slot with $170M.
Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin Flouted Quarantine And Threw A House Party
Don’t worry guys, Justin Bieber isn’t just periodically posting lazy memes in order to fulfill his promise to “speak up about racial injustice and systemic oppression,” he’s also doing his part to support the Black Lives Matter movement by throwing a party to celebrate the birth of his Black friend, rapper Justine Skye. Proof that Justin can walk the talk (let’s give him a pass on being able to spell the words), he and wife Hailey Baldwin bravely faced off against Los Angeles mayor Eric Garcetti’s ban on social gatherings and risked having their water turned off (not that Justin showers but Hailey might like a cup of tea) in order to host a bevy of Hollywood elites (OK, Calabasas krabs) at their Beverly Hills mansion. Justin even went so far as to hug Kylie Jenner upon arrival. Talk about bravery!
Cardi B Released “WAP,” Her New Single With Megan Thee Stallion
Time to update my will, because I’ve got a new favorite song to play on loop at my funeral! It’s Cardi B’s “WAP”, featuring Megan Thee Stallion. WAP stands for “Wet Ass Pussy”, because of course it does. Last night both the song and the music video were released. The video was directed by Colin Tilley (the auteur also behind Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda”), and features cameos from Normani, Rosaliá, Rubi Rose, Sukihana, Mulatto, and… Kylie Jenner.
“WAP” is Cardi’s first single as a lead artist since last year, and it’s the first new music Megan’s released since she was tragically shot in both feet last month (after a pool party that Kylie Jenner was at). Yesterday Cardi posted a video on Instagram announcing she’d be dropping the single that night, but, tragically, the censored YouTube music video would replace the words “wet ass pussy” with “wet and gushy”. Um, that’s far grosser, honestly.
Kylie Jenner Bought Her 2-Year-Old Daughter A $200K Pony
“Self-made” billionaire millionaire Kylie Jenner obviously ain’t the type of parent who worries about spoiling her kids. For daughter Stormi Webster’s second birthday this past winter, the new PMK (Pimp Mama Kylie) constructed an extravagant carnival of nightmares called “Stormi’s World” (featuring a bunch of creepy blow-up Stormi heads, a Frozen-themed ice room, and a custom-redesigned private jet interior to match). Girl doesn’t know the meaning of the word “ostentatious”. Because girl didn’t pay attention in school.
Last week Cardi B and Offset declared WAR when they presented little Kulture with a $20,000 Birkin bag for her second birthday. NO ONE threatens Stormi’s title of “Baby Veruca Salt”, so Kylie bought her daughter a $200,000 white pony from the Netherlands named “Frozen” (like the movie!). Shipping was, of course, not included. That cost Kylie an extra $7,000-$10,000.