Newly minted Forbes billionaire Tyler Perry already pulled millions of damp crumpled up dollar bills out of Madea’s bra to pay for Tyler Perry Studios in Atlanta, but he’s not done empire building just yet. According to TMZ, Tyler’s in the middle of building an obscene estate for himself to rival Versailles. Yes, the one in Florida, obviously. Recent aerial photos of the “35,000-square-foot mansion he’s building on 1,200 acres near Atlanta,” show what appears to be a private airport and hangar for his jet. Given what we know about Tyler’s preference for doing everything himself, on the cheap, Tyler Perry Air is about to make the crew of Soul Plane look like the First Class crew of Emirates Air.
This is our fault. We did this to ourselves. At some point we’re going to have to take responsibility for ourselves as a country and accept the premise that it is, in fact, a shit hole ruled by oligarchs, grifters, charlatans, and DJs with Marshmello heads, and hopefully, commit to making the changes necessary to rectify that. Otherwise, all is lost. Even if Forbes’ Celebrity 100: The World’s Highest Paid Celebrities list is a dubious distinction, we have to admit that even if their formula is about as scientifically sound as the teachings of Dianetics, it does say a lot about what we value as a culture. And right now it’s saying we value Kylie Jenner the most. She earned $560 million. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but 2020 will do strange things to a person—Taylor Swift was ROBBED! Last year’s #1 dropped to #25 ($63.5M) and Kanye West scooted into Kylie’s former #2 slot with $170M.
Joel Osteen’s Easter Sunday Service happened yesterday, and Joel was supposed to celebrate God’s child on Earth, and also Jesus Christ. Kanye West was going to continue blessing us with that religious thing he’s been doing, but coronavirus has fucked that up a bit. Kanye’s holy act requires a giant choir, and because of social distancing, that’s not really possible, so he dropped out of Joel Osteen’s service. Aww, Jesus rose without his younger brother there. It’s really too bad coronavirus stopped this concert from being in person in the first place–I’m sure Kanye would meet a lot of black Trump supporters at a Joel Osteen Sunday Service.
Apparently this Sunday is Easter. Or maybe it’s Monday. I dunno, I’m no theologist. Alas, because of the pandemic, many will not be gathering for Easter egg hunts, family dinners, or church services. But that won’t stop millionaire televangelist Joel Osteen, a man revered for his giving spirit in times of crisis, from broadcasting Easter Sunday service out of his Houston megachurch.
And he’s gonna do it with a little help from his celebrity friends! TMZ says Joel’s good buddy Kanye West will perform in a virtual version of his own Sunday Service, Mariah Carey will sing Hero via webcam in tribute to medical professionals and first responders, and Tyler Perry plans to “deliver words of encouragement” (hopefully in full Madea drag).
Coronavirus has shut down many, many businesses. Even Waffle House had to close hundreds of its doors signaling the end of days. Well, Tyler Perry is doing his part to help those struggling financially during this time of crisis. He’s done nice shit in the past and is doing more nice shit now. Tyler spent $21,000 on tips for the employees of his local Houston’s restaurant. Tyler may not give a writer a job, but he’ll help out struggling restaurant workers when they need it most.
The nominations for the 2020 Golden Raspberry Awards have been announced, meaning that this year’s batch of unwatchable films and performances have been scooped and sifted from the litterbox and thrust back into the spotlight for one final evening before hopefully being flushed away forever.
To literally no one’s surprise, Cats led the nominations list, tying Rambo: Last Blood and A Madea Family Funeral, with eight disgraceful nods––guess those improved visual effects failed to disguise the fact that at the end of the day people were actually expected to pay money and enjoy watching a movie featuring an anaconda-less Jason Derulo, Taylor Swift (who didn’t even wear ONE beautiful gown) and a totally normal James Corden, in terrifying––and terrifyingly shitty––cat costumes.