If you were worried about Taylor Swift winding up in the streets rattling a tin cup and begging for change to feed her cats, I’ve got good news for you. Despite never having owned her own masters, Taylor has still managed to make quite a good living for herself. Her 2019 earnings of $185 million have landed her the #1 spot on Forbes’ World’s 100 Highest-Paid Celebrities list. She may have been offered a shitty deal with her old label, Big Machine Records, and seen her work fall into her enemy’s hands, but don’t shed a tear for Tay Tay. There’s still plenty of Fancy Feast on the menu at her house. And you won’t see Scooter Braun’s name anywhere on this list. However, she does have other sworn enemies breathing down her neck. Coming in at #2 and #3 on Forbes’ list are Kylie Jenner ($170 M) and Kanye West ($150 M) respectively (and Kim Kardashian is #26, $72 M).
Rihanna may currently be focusing all her energy on being a makeup mogul and a luxury clothing designer, but first and foremost, Rihanna is a singer. “If that’s so, then WHERE’S THE NEW MUSIC????” screams her fans every second of every day. But Rihanna is still technically a singer-slash-everything else she does, which would be why she recently found herself being crowned the richest woman in music by Forbes. And when they say rich, they aren’t kidding. These are some “Celine Dion, who?” numbers.
I’m sure Kanye West is marching around his house, scoffing at this news. “Billionaire? Pfft, whatever. I’m a Kawiillionaire in Genius Bucks, but you don’t see me bragging about it.” But we’re not talking about Kanye, we’re talking about Jay-Z, who has been named by Forbes as hip-hop’s first billionaire.
If you think Kevin Hart is still smarting from his self-dismissal and public flogging after that Oscar hosting debacle, think again. Kevin Hart don’t give a fuck. He’s the second highest-paid comedian in the entire world, according to Forbes, and can afford to buy his own internet that’s just him and Nick Cannon sending cute GIFs back and forth. No, Kevin is not bothered in the least. He’s so rich he’s standing on an apple crate and laughing into a gilded mirror, pointing at himself like “You the man, dog!”, “no YOU the man!”. Yes, Kevin’s laughing all the way to the bank, and jumping up and down so the teller can see he’s there.
Forbes has followed-up their list of the highest-paid actresses in the world (Scarlett Johansson holds the top spot) with their list of the world’s highest-paid actors. And if the year was the magical amalgam of the years in which all the Ocean’s films and Gravity were released, then Forbes’ choice for the number-one spot would make sense. Instead, it’s 2018 and the world’s highest-paid actor is George Clooney, a man who acted in nothing this year. As if that wasn’t crazy enough, George reportedly hit the top spot by earning an insane amount of money.
It’s that time of the year when the employees of Forbes magazine pull out their calculators and make us all feel poor. As you already know, this year the crown has been taken off the head of Emma Stone and placed onto that of Scarlett Johansson.