Famed alleged “Extortionist,” Gwyneth Paltrow, is about to take her goop business prowess to another level, baby! No, she isn’t opening a multi-level marketing scheme version of goop–though I believe with my soul that it’s coming–Gwyneth will be joining the other rich vampires of Shark Tank to profit off of the ideas of other people who can’t afford to get their businesses started without submitting to the whims of wealthy benefactors. Personally, I think that she will fit right in!
Gisele Bündchen is working on a cookbook, due out in 2024 and tentatively titled Finally Free: 365 Recipes for Air, and so sat down with British Vogue to discuss the contents of her refrigerator (“various packets of organic seeds -flax, hemp, chia- are lined up in neat rows, alongside a loaf of ancient grain gluten-free bread”) and life with her husband, plant-based meathead Tom Brady. If you thought that being married to a man who’s afraid of strawberries was a fairy tale come true, then Gisele has some very bad news for you and it’s not that dinner’s ready. It’s that the guy who famously un-retired is focused on his career.
Billboard shocked me with some information this morning. And it wasn’t that the teenage rapper, 19-year-old Bhad Bhadbie (born Danielle Bregoli) claimed she made a whopping $52 million on OnlyFans and showed receipts to prove it. She didn’t really make $52 million due to a little thing called fees but according to her proof, she still made tons and tons of money thanks to humans who will actually pay $23.99 a month to see “sexy” pics of the girl who got famous for telling Dr. Phil’s audience to cash her outside.
Raging and cackling at the news that Logan Paul is ALLEGEDLY out $3.5 million dollars after Kotaku says he was bamboozled by some fake Pokémon cards. The fact he has disposable income like that is… too much. Pokémon cards can get expensive for rare ones and a few years ago, one Charizard card sold for almost half a million dollars. Welp, sadly Logan needs a better authenticator, or maybe a few more brain cells to tell him not to spend his whole Floyd Mayweather fight check on these fake ass Pokémon cards because as he opens the box for his YouTube viewers, he reveals he bought a box of G.I. Joe cards instead. Wow, not even Digimon? A total swindle!
Chrissy Teigen has given up her trollish ways and redoubled her efforts to solidify her online persona as #FunQueen, #RelatableQueen! She’s a #EmotionalAbuserOfVulerableTeensQueen no more! According to Gawker, Chrissy threw an elaborate party inspired by the hit Netflix show Squid Game where all her rich and beautiful friends gathered for an “absolutely epic night” of poverty cosplay which Chrissy presided over while dressed as Robot Girl, proving she really has learned from her recent “cancellation.” Chrissy’s one of us, one of the regular people! The VIP masks she and husband John Legend usually wear are exclusively for phones-collected-at-the-door, officially sanctioned Illuminati events only. She understands that now.
Adele is really making me laugh and cry this morning. The internet claims that Adele’s net worth is $190 million and that’s about to get bigger, because she’s got a new single, Easy On Me, coming out this Friday, and her new album, 30, is on its way. But that doesn’t mean Adele is just made out of money. According to her, at least. I don’t know if she got cleaned out in her divorce from Simon Konecki, but Adele says that she lives in LA because apparently, the costs of mansions in London are just too high. Baby, if Adele can’t afford to live somewhere–no one can.