Category: Cristiano Ronaldo

Open Post: Hosted By Cristiano Ronaldo Banishing Coca-Cola From A Press Conference

June 15, 2021 / Posted by:

Soccer star and walking piece of jerky, 36-year-old Cristiano Ronaldo, is currently partaking in the UEFA Euro football championships. TMZ says that during a media conference ahead of the game between Cristiano’s team, Portugal, and Hungary, he was seen specifically removing Coke bottles from his line of sight and praising some good old-fashioned H20. Maybe he should remember that good old-fashioned sponsorship deals exist before he blows some more of them.

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Cristiano Ronaldo Has Tested Positive For Coronavirus

October 13, 2020 / Posted by:

The one thing I learned from basketball this year (and yes I only learned one thing) is that the NBA’s COVID-19 bubble worked, and not one player tested positive for coronavirus all season. Pretty good, considering that with all those hands and open mouths, that ball is basically more germs than rubber by the second quarter. So in the world of balls that are thrown into baskets, it’s all good. Sadly, the same can’t be said for the world of balls kicked by feet. CNN says that the Portuguese Football Federation released a statement today informing everyone that the richest man in foot-based ball handling, Cristiano Ronaldo, has tested positive for the coronavirus.

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Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here: Kylie Jenner Tops Forbes’ Celebrity 100 List For 2020.

September 1, 2020 / Posted by:

This is our fault. We did this to ourselves. At some point we’re going to have to take responsibility for ourselves as a country and accept the premise that it is, in fact, a shit hole ruled by oligarchs, grifters, charlatans, and DJs with Marshmello heads, and hopefully, commit to making the changes necessary to rectify that. Otherwise, all is lost. Even if Forbes’ Celebrity 100: The World’s Highest Paid Celebrities list is a dubious distinction, we have to admit that even if their formula is about as scientifically sound as the teachings of Dianetics, it does say a lot about what we value as a culture. And right now it’s saying we value Kylie Jenner the most. She earned $560 million. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but 2020 will do strange things to a person—Taylor Swift was ROBBED! Last year’s #1 dropped to #25 ($63.5M) and Kanye West scooted into Kylie’s former #2 slot with $170M.

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Cristiano Ronaldo Is Football’s First Billionaire

June 9, 2020 / Posted by:

I don’t know much about football, besides the fact that it can also be called soccer, and that if you want to gamble on football, your best sports betting resource used to be an octopus. But I also know some less-interesting football facts, like that one of the sport’s most famous players is Cristiano Ronaldo. And now I also know that Cristiano Ronaldo is the first football player to reach billionaire status. Whip out your loudest vuvuzela and celebrate! Go ahead and blow as loud as you can, I’m sure Cristiano can afford the best noise-canceling earplugs that money can buy.

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Cristiano Ronaldo Pled Guilty To Tax Fraud To Avoid The Spanish Slammer

January 22, 2019 / Posted by:

Uncle Sam’s Spanish cousin is out with a vengeance, and cue up the Whoopi Goldberg You in danger, girl” GIF for Shakira! Cristiano Ronaldo pled guilty today in Spanish court to tax fraud. He agreed to pony up nearly $22 million in fees and serve a two-year suspended jail sentence (aka no time behind bars). I’m mainly just here for the photos that look like only Crispy’s girlfriend, Georgina Rodriguez, realized they were there for a sentencing and not Madrid Fashion Week. Continue reading

Cristiano Ronaldo Might Be Engagedo

June 21, 2018 / Posted by:

Every four years people in North America ask themselves: “Why are so many foreigners flying their flags this week?”  I’ll tell you, Dave: it’s the FIFA World Cup!  The football (soccer) tournament brings out all the hot athletes who don’t throw things: including Cristiano Ronaldo, professional skin bronzer and soccer star extraordinaire.

This FIFA season apparently brought out the love in Cristiano, as The Mirror reports he decided to use this tournament to pop the question to his girlfriend and mother of his most recent childGeorgina Rodriguez. Love is in the air at the Russia World Cup! I mean, unless you’re gay.

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