There’s been a lot of surprise Marvel-meat popping up on our screens over the weekend. According to Entertainment Tonight Canada, Captain America’s rogue hog has been challenged by self-proclaimed “rogue horse,” Thor. Chris Hemsworth recently made a surprise appearance on the Australian news program Weekend Today and read the weather report while standing in a field of horses. However, compared to Chris Evans’ recent Instagram surprise appearance, Thor’s performance was dry and mild, but did trigger a high-pressure system in some people’s pants.
billionaire millionaire Kylie Jenner obviously ain’t the type of parent who worries about spoiling her kids. For daughter Stormi Webster’s second birthday this past winter, the new PMK (Pimp Mama Kylie) constructed an extravagant carnival of nightmares called “Stormi’s World” (featuring a bunch of creepy blow-up Stormi heads, a Frozen-themed ice room, and a custom-redesigned private jet interior to match). Girl doesn’t know the meaning of the word “ostentatious”. Because girl didn’t pay attention in school.
Last week Cardi B and Offset declared WAR when they presented little Kulture with a $20,000 Birkin bag for her second birthday. NO ONE threatens Stormi’s title of “Baby Veruca Salt”, so Kylie bought her daughter a $200,000 white pony from the Netherlands named “Frozen” (like the movie!). Shipping was, of course, not included. That cost Kylie an extra $7,000-$10,000.
Want to feel old? JoJo Siwa turned 17 today, and unless you are a parent of tweens, you probably feel like it was just yesterday that you found out what a JoJo Siwa even is. And now you see she’s trending on Twitter and that she might be gay? Yes, sad to say, even in Quorinatine (™), life is passing you by.
According to Entertainment Tonight, the My Little Pony who was transformed into human form by a witch’s curse is trending on Twitter after she posted herself doing the “Wipe it Down” challenge on TikTok. And while future scholars will be puzzling over that sentence in the decades to come, in 2020 it just means she took her signature ponytail down, causing some to speculate that her new “TikTok lesbian” look might suggest a coming out. Want to feel old? There is something called a “TikTok lesbian.”
It was a simple mistake, really. It could have happened to almost anyone. But it did happen to one Cassandra Walker, a Dairy Queen employee who was unjustly fired for creating that beautiful marijuana-themed birthday cake you see above. The thing is: it was supposed to be a Moana cake. Like the Disney movie about the Polynesian girl who saves the ocean? Easy mix-up.
No, it’s not Nicki Minaj, a skid row My Little Pony or Hair-tastic Barbie on the first day of her period. It’s Christina Aguilera showing off her best side at the Pumpkin Patch with her cute little son Max and boyfriend what’s-his-face in tow. Yes it’s that time of year again when we get to see Shauna and Phoebe pose, pose, posing for their lives with pumpkin cleavage!!! So original. But while we wait for that main course, we can tide ourselves over with this Xtina snack.
Damn girl, was it laundry day or did you wake up hungover and naked at Goodwill?? And I don’t even want to know what is going on in the first thumb, but I think the guys out there may not want to inspect it too hard. That shit looks painful.