We’ve all got our causes and in these confusing and dividing times Justin Bieber has discovered his (other than defending Chris Brown), as he’s put out a call to all his fans to help bring back the Double-Stick Popsicles.
So this is surprising for a variety of reasons: 1) I didn’t even know they were gone, and 2) they were discontinued in 1986?! Huh? I feel like I grew up eating these so I have no idea what kind generic double popsicle life I was living? My dad probably glued two Popsicles together just to shut me up.
Another year, another viral internet “challenge” has been ruined by Justin Bieber. Over the past few years, Justin’s participated in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge (after it had already been won by Phoebe Price), the Mannequin Challenge (after Boston the Boxer had already shut down the competition), the In My feelings Challenge (already won by a hot doc), and least successfully, the Comport Yourself Like You Have A Lick Of Sense challenge. In each of those instances, Justin’s been too late. It’s as if every viral challenge is instantly rendered lame the moment Justin’s assistant types “#…” on his Instagram post. Now he’s done the Bottle Cap Challenge, which was started by started by Kazakh taekwondo champion Farabi Davletchin, and popularized by Jason Statham and our former HSOTD, the chancla ninja. The Challenge as you know: Unscrew the lid off a bottle with a roundhouse kick. The Challenge Killer: Justin’s shirtless torso and under-drawers waistband talking about kicking Tom Cruise’s head in. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a loser. #GameOver
The Taylor Swift vs. Scooter Braun thing spiraled quickly. The drama of all dramas among girls and gays aged 13-27 is getting some high-key attention. Not only did we get a Taylor Swift Tumblr op-ed hand-delivered to us with, we have record executives trying to do damage control and getting ratioed-to hell on Twitter (he’s currently at 7,400 comments vs. 4,000 likes so the Swifties are putting those rat emojis to work).
Now Taylor’s token gay best friend, Todrick Hall, is ready to stand up for his girl and he’s throwing around some mighty strong statements–claiming that Scooter is homophobic. Todrick is earning his place as Taylor’s token gay!
Taylor Swift Is Involved In A Very Messy Fight With Justin Bieber’s Manager Scooter Braun Over Her Music
Taylor Swift’s latest reinvention has been one big rainbow-wrapped celebration of gay rights and former enemy forgiveness. And usually Taylor remains fully committed to whatever personality she and her team have settled on. But recently Taylor learned that almost her entire album catalog has been sold off to Justin Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun. Taylor is most likely storming around as Pissed-Off Taylor from the Reputation era, because Taylor is fucking livid that Scooter Braun owns most of her music now.
Hailey Baldwin has a very important job this week, and that’s to watch Million Dollar Baby, Rocky, and any number of other underdog fight movies, and learn how to say the words, “Don’t do it, you’ll never win!” while pounding her fists into his chest. Because it sounds like Justin Bieber really wants to fight Tom Cruise.
Justin Bieber is saying that he was just kidding when he challenged Tom Cruise to a UFC fight and that he knows he would probably get his ass kicked if it were to happen. Huh, well I’m glad that’s cleared up. I don’t want to live in a world where two of the most completely sane celebrities aren’t getting along. What would Xenu think?! Justin made it clear that it was all a goof and he can go back to having real fights with David Arquette, Marilyn Manson and french kissing his wife all over Instagram.