billionaire millionaire Kylie Jenner obviously ain’t the type of parent who worries about spoiling her kids. For daughter Stormi Webster’s second birthday this past winter, the new PMK (Pimp Mama Kylie) constructed an extravagant carnival of nightmares called “Stormi’s World” (featuring a bunch of creepy blow-up Stormi heads, a Frozen-themed ice room, and a custom-redesigned private jet interior to match). Girl doesn’t know the meaning of the word “ostentatious”. Because girl didn’t pay attention in school.
Last week Cardi B and Offset declared WAR when they presented little Kulture with a $20,000 Birkin bag for her second birthday. NO ONE threatens Stormi’s title of “Baby Veruca Salt”, so Kylie bought her daughter a $200,000 white pony from the Netherlands named “Frozen” (like the movie!). Shipping was, of course, not included. That cost Kylie an extra $7,000-$10,000.
The pony’s breeder, Stal Wilten, confirmed the sale with a picture of Frozen and a little Dutch girl who’s not Stormi (EWWWW, the pony’s tainted!):
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#ThrowbackThursday goes to the most famous pony of them all ⛄️Frozen⛄️ We got news he has landed in L.A. and living the life with a sweet little girl. Her parents made sure their daughter had the most precious pony out there🦄 @stalwilten @roywilten #stalwilten #usef #ushja #hunterjumper #theponyapp #sporthorse #equatation #walshproducts #cwd #kwpn #dutchwarmblood #showjumping #showjumper #winning #hunterjumper #jumper #equestrianlife #horsesofinstagram #ponies #poniesofinstagram #instahorse #animals #animalsofinstagram #unicorn #paarden #unicornsofstalwilten #walshproducts
Stal’s original caption also included, “We can’t wait to see pictures of Stormi and Frozen”, but he’s since deleted that part. Hmm, you’d think he’d be a little better at discretion, considering he’s the go-to pony guy for celebs like Kaley Cuoco, Jennifer Gates (Bill’s daughter), and Jessica Springsteen (Bruce’s daughter).
Frozen’s a showjumping “gelding”, a fancy name for a castrated horse. He measures 12 hands (huh?), which is large for a beginner’s “first pony” (um, Kylie, watch Gone with the Wind, then get educated on pony safety!). He is 17 years old. The internet says ponies usually live well into their thirties, with many making it to the big 4-0. So Frozen will be around long enough for Stormi to get sick of his equine ass, be replaced by expensive shit like cars, diamonds, and designer bags, and then eventually get passed down to Stormi’s own daughter twenty years from now. Hmmm, what will be a cool name in the future? Xenon? Yep, it’s def Xenon Webster-Chalamet.
A source told The Daily Mail:
“Frozen will stay in quarantine for 14 days now so Stormi most likely doesn’t know he’s arrived yet. He’s a very famous pony for a very famous little girl,” an insider told the Daily Mail.
So shhh everybody else in the world! Don’t tell Stormi she owns a pony! Luckily, girl’s a toddler, so there’s no chance of her accidentally reading spoilers online. I wish I had Stormi’s underdeveloped brain, it would have stopped Instagram from ruining the Drag Race All-Stars winner for me on Friday. Damn these stupid reading eyes!