Last night, Pimp Mama Kris finally saw her Khloé Kardashian/Tristan Thompson/Jordyn Woods narrative come to fruition. FINALLY she would be able to turn the tabloid scandal… which was totally not at all arranged or enflamed by her or her people into the ratings she loves, which helps Kylie Jenner sell makeup, which keeps Kris living flushed in Birkin bags. (“And you know they need the ratings,” said Blac Chyna.) It was just as dramatic, self-serving and Botox-ed as you would have thought. And in the episode, Khloé revealed that during the heated scandal, Tristan apparently mentioned committing suicide, which is always a good thing for someone else to admit on national television. Ratings: here we come!
Yesterday was Father’s Day, which I believe is the 11th most important holiday in the Kardashian-Jenner family after all the their birthdays, the anniversary of the invention of Botox, Christmas, and Momager’s Day. Caitlyn Jenner decided to wish all her favorite Kardashian-Jenner dads a Happy Father’s Day on social media. Well, all except KUWTK Season 16’s current male villain.
Because we needed further evidence that this is truly the worst possible human timeline or we’re all actually just trapped in a Hell-dimension life-simulator, O.J. Simpson is now on Twitter and he’s putting it to use. O.J. threatened to use Twitter to “get even”, but he’s started with a sort of bland confession.
O.J. decided his first move was going to be “getting even” about the Kris Jenner thing. O.J. denies that they fucked in the hot tub years ago. And you know what else he’s saying ain’t true? Khloé Kardashian is not his kid! Not even O.J. Simpson wants to be associated with the Kardashians.
Khloé Kardashian Klaims She Didn’t Know Tristan Thompson Had A Pregnant Girlfriend When They Got Together
Khloé Kardashian is trying the whole re-writing history-thing on her past relationship with recent ex and baby-daddy, Tristan Thompson. Khloé is hard at work at her current Keeping Up Hell’s Assault On Humanity With The Kardashians storyline and is trying to play up the wounded-woman persona hard.
Many thought it was super hypocritical for Khloe to drag Jordyn Woods for getting with Tristan, considering that Khloé met Tristan when his girlfriend was pregnant. So she had some words to say about it after Tristan’s ex Jordan Craig talked about it first. It’s called, “My Truth”, and it’s coming from a Kardashian so you know it’s a full lie.
E! put out a teaser trailer for the rest of the season of Keeping Up With The Korrosion Of God’s Light, and of course it’s all about the Khloé Kardashian/Tristan Thompson/Jordyn Woods drama. The trailer should be studied in science classes, because the Koven members somehow defy the laws of science by “crying” even though their tear ducts were filled with fillers years ago.
Above is a picture from 2017 of Khloe Kardashian’s nose, which since then, has been lipoed, cinched, twisted, rotated, and pulled so much that The Michael Jackson Estate is going to sue her for trademark infringement. I know, a story about a Kartrashian getting plastic surgery. Pull out your MirandaPriestlyGroundbreaking.GIFs.