Yesterday there was cause for concern about robots taking over the fast food industry and turning people into hamburgers. Today we can go ahead and crank the dial up on that robot army alarm because Gagabot 3000 will not be stopped until every man, woman, and child has heard its boop-beep-boop message of doom. Lady Gaga has been repeating the exact same message about it only taking 1 person named Bradley Cooper out of a crowd of 100 people not named Bradley Cooper, to believe that Lady Gaga could be a movie star; over, and over, and over again, like a broken Carl Sagan Voyager Golden Record. I don’t know exactly what Gagabot 3000’s ultimate plan is, but I’m sure it’s not good!
Here’s an eerie look at the Gagabot planting its evil seed across the planet.
I knew there must have been a reason the roll-out for A Star Is Born has been going on since before there were stars in the sky and the human race was a mere glint in the universe’s eye. Gagabot 3000 is probably from outer space and doesn’t know we record everything that happens down here. Maybe it thought we’d never notice its nefarious plan to be accepted into the upper echelons of the Hollywood Elite where it would, through a series of pat, repetitive (and binary!) talking points, lull a sleeping world into submission for its eventual domination of the hive aka The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Sciences, people! It’s been right there in front of our faces this whole time!
Seriously though, this whole Svengali/ingénue routine may have worked in the movie, but in real life it comes off as phony, contrived and kind of gross. When was the last time you think Lady Gaga was in a room with 100 people? She’s probably got that many people attending to her during her morning toilette. Do you know how many minions it takes to get the Gagabot 3000 camera ready? More than 100. Try 01010101010101010101010100101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101!