Cardi B and Offset’s daughter, Kulture, just turned two. And since a celebrity second birthday is the new My Super Sweet Sixteen, Offset presented his little princess with a $20,000 pink Birkin bag. Hey, at least he didn’t traumatize her with a gigantic inflatable bouncy slide of her slack-jawed face (a la Kylie Jenner and poor Stormi).
Offset posted a video of Kulture, dressed as a bunny rabbit/fairy/ballerina hybrid, receiving her present. When Daddy Offset reveals the bag, she cries, “Pink!”, goes dead-eyed, and plops it back in the box. Then the clip ends. You know she was expecting an actual toy and not some useless shit her parents are using to show how rich they are. But at least she didn’t throw a tantrum. That’s a toddler-win in my books.
Here’s the video:
The people of Instagram had shit to say. They criticized Offset for buying Kulture a wildly expensive gift that she didn’t seem to want, which, of course, inspired Offset apologist Cardi B to defend her hubby on the Instagram stories:
Cardi B responds to someone criticizing offset for buying his daughter Kulture a birkin bag for her birthday pic.twitter.com/t3nXlxlKUH
— 2Cool2Blog (@2Cool2BIog) July 16, 2020
Here’s Cardi’s statement (yet another great audition monologue option for aspiring actresses):
“I know when celebrities buy their kids jewellery and designer shit, people be like ‘kids don’t care about that, they only care about toys and candy.’
But the thing is, kids also go outside. Kids go to restaurants, kids go to fancy places. Celebrity kids, they go do red carpets.
And if I’m fly, and daddy’s fly, then so is the kid. If I’m wearing Cha-nay-nay, my kid’s having the same thing. It’s not up to what the kids like. If it was the kids, they’d be outside in diapers.
No, cause if I was looking like a bad bitch, expensive bitch, and I had my kid looking like a bum bum, then y’all would be talking shit.
So, I’m not mad that daddy bought baby a Birkin. She’s gonna match mommy.”
Cardi is 100% correct. When toddlers leave the playpen, they’re tiny little reflections of mom and pops. Nobody wants to their spawn looking like a sloppy bum bum mess! Therefore the children of celebrities must carry expensive Birkin bags, sport 4-inch Jimmy Choo shoes, and smoke only the finest Cuban cigars.
If little Kulture inherited her momma’s street smarts, she’ll scribble all over that Birkin (Kanye-style), sell it on eBay for triple its value, and then buy what she really wants. If she’s anything like me at two-years-old, it’ll be hundreds of those miniature Thomas the Tank Engine trains. Good luck walking barefoot in your mansion, Cardi and Offset. From now on, every step you take will be accompanied by the stabby pain of a tiny metal train.