Category: Surprise Bitch

Surprise! Khloé Kardashian And Tristan Thompson Are Expecting Another Baby Via Surrogate

July 14, 2022 / Posted by:

If you know anything about Tristan Thompson and his messy and monogamy-void relationship with Khloé Kardashian, then you might have just though that Tristan recently took a trip to Italy and knocked up a local woman named “Via Surrogate.” But nope, this baby was planned, apparently, and planned between Tristan and Khloé. So it would appear as though Khloé might not be as done with the one-man sperm bank as she has previously claimed she was.

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Drake Dropped A Surprise Album At Midnight

June 17, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s been a minute since we’ve heard from Canada’s tackiest homeowner Drake. What has Drake been up to? Well, if he’s been the sensitive sad boy sobbing over the latest developments in Rihanna’s life, you wouldn’t know it. Because Drake clearly hasn’t had enough spare time to sit night after night, wrapped in his custom-made Raptors-branded fleece weighted blanket in his feelings room (I assume one of his expensive mansions has such a thing). In between his time spent trolling his trolls, Drake has been busy making an album, which he dropped by semi-surprise last night.

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Kal Penn Is Engaged To His Boyfriend Of Eleven Years

November 1, 2021 / Posted by:

Fans of the celebrity memoir know it takes an awful lot to legitimately surprise the reader with genuine shock. And of all people, stoner comedy star-turned-TV doctor-turned-unlikely White House employee Kal Penn was able to do it with his recent book, You Can’t Be Serious. Kal got serious about his personal life and revealed that not only is he gay, but that he’s currently engaged to his partner of eleven years, Josh.

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Issa Rae Got Surprise Married Over The Weekend

July 26, 2021 / Posted by:

Issa Rae never really struck me as a princess type but she got surprise married over the weekend in the South of France to businessman/banker Louis Diame wearing a custom Vera Wang gown and tagged White Eden Weddings “as seen on Martha Stewart, Style Me Pretty, Brides & more” in her Instagram post announcing the news. It doesn’t get any more princessy than that! I guess rapping about your pussy doesn’t exclude one from wanting a fairy-tale wedding, so good for her!

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Surprise! Macaulay Culkin And Brenda Song Just Welcomed A Baby

April 12, 2021 / Posted by:

In an Esquire cover story last February, Macaulay Culkin told us he and his girlfriend Brenda Song were trying for a baby, but he also told us he prefers to be called “Mack” so I pretty much put the whole thing out of my mind because I’m not doing that. Plus considering that years ago Brenda allegedly pretended to be pregnant by Trace Cyrus, who ranks BELOW NOAH, I simply could not take it seriously. But now, according to Esquire, while Macaulay may have been kidding about preferring the name Mack, and I sincerely hope that he was, he was deadly serious about becoming a dad. Brenda and Macaulay just had a surprise baby boy named Dakota Song Culkin. Well, a surprise to us. I presume Brenda was expecting. For real this time!

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Aaron Rodgers And Shailene Woodley Are Probably Engaged Already

February 7, 2021 / Posted by:

It felt like it was just four days ago (because it was) when we learned that the random celebrity couple generator spit out the names Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley. Everyone reported that 37-year-old Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and 29-year-old forest fairy Shailene Woodley have been a thing for a few months. And last night, Aaron told the world that he’s engaged. So either Aaron dumped Shailene after finally realizing that his one true love is Jake from State Farm and they’re engaged. Or the makers of organic, sugar-free, gluten-free, fair trade bridal granola garters are rejoicing today because Shailene’s getting married!

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