How nice it must have been for her to be in the presence of royalty. After all, it’s not every day that one meets the indisputable Queen of Music, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. I’m of course kidding, because I’m sure Beyoncé – a noted Duchess of Sussex fan – was also very thrilled to be meeting a royal like Duchess Meghan.
Now we know why Disney decided to do an all-CGI remake (although, it’s supposed to be GAME CHANGING!) of their cartoon movie The Lion King. It isn’t just because those greedy overlords at Disney knew that they could throw their logo on any summertime movie and it’ll allow them to say, “Sure, order four!”, with ease when Mickey Mouse calls asking if he can order another crate of vintage Dom Perignon while partying with his side-hos and Leonardo DiCaprio on his yacht in Italy somewhere. They knew that if they got Beyonce to graciously possess the body of a CGI Nala with her ethereal holiness, they might also get her to make an entire Lion King album, and then they’d make even more money.
Well, Mickey Mouse can go ahead and make it rain $1,000 cashiers checks instead of $100 bills on his yacht girls this summer, because Beyonce (and her ghost curators) has curated an entire album inspired by The Lion King.
Beyoncé Was Not Mad At The NBA Finals, And Her Publicist Wants The Hive To Stop Threatening To Kill People, Please
Yesterday we all learned what happens when Beyonce goes to some basketball game. It becomes allabout her. Like, who even won? Who cares (everyone in Toronto except me, but I also love giving in to mob-mentality and enjoying things with people so like I’ll go along with it if there’s a social event)? If Beyoncé is there, expect her to steal the show. And she did, and it also resulted with the Beyhive issues death threats on a woman who talked to Jay-Z. Damn, BeyHive: I knew you’d try to steal the girl’s social security number, but death threats?
So yesterday I was really enjoying a little bit of Beyoncé humor when she started spreading through the internet for her alleged side-eye, shady antics. I come to wake up this morning and find that, like most things on the internet, it’s been taken way too far. How far? Death threat-far. What did she do?! And according to her: nothing. And according to Beyoncé’s publicist: y’all need to chill. Continue reading
It seems that even though Beyoncé did an entire album on how she would knock a bitch out for getting on her man and she would knock her man out too because she’s a feminist–people are trying her! She and her husband, billionaire rapper Jay-Z, were out on a casual date night at the front row of Game 3 of the 2019 NBA Finals–you know, casual couple things–and somehow several hours of watching men chase an orange ball back and forth turned into her giving a Becky a “look” some are saying it’s a death stare. I didn’t get “death stare” at all, but Becky will still have to go into the Beyhive Protection Program since the Hive lives for stinging a trick in honor of their Queen.
I’m sure Kanye West is marching around his house, scoffing at this news. “Billionaire? Pfft, whatever. I’m a Kawiillionaire in Genius Bucks, but you don’t see me bragging about it.” But we’re not talking about Kanye, we’re talking about Jay-Z, who has been named by Forbes as hip-hop’s first billionaire.
Seen above getting her slappin’ hand ready for any Beyhivers who want to get the stingers slapped off of them by coming after her, Dionne Warwick told zero lies when she said that there are no new musical icons and not even Beyonce has reached that status yet. I should say that Dionne wasn’t totally telling the truth when she said that a musical artiste of today has yet to be crowned an icon for the ages. I mean, has Cousin Dionne’s ears felt the sweet humping of Jan Terri yet?