Jennifer Lawrence is about to become Jennifer Maroney, thus making her the second-best J. Maroney. But that also means JLaw needs one last wild night of single-girl debauchery, which for JLaw most likely will mean boozing, farting, falling, puking, and pissing in a $2000 Dior dress. And according to The Sun, said night will be planned by her friend Adele. I know some people aren’t here for bachelorette parties in gay bars, but I have a feeling this one will be welcomed.
Last weekend, a ton of famous people and reality stars got hitched. We already know what Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor looked like when they got hitched, thanks to People magazine. Zoe Kravitz must be waiting for an offer from Hipster Brides, because so far all we have are pictures of her rehearsal dinner outfit. In the meantime, we’ve got some pics to satisfy all those expensive wedding dress enthusiasts out there, courtesy of Katharine McPhee and Sophie Turner.
Brittany Cartwright, a SUR (Sexy Unique Restaurant) hostess, and Jax Taylor, a SUR bartender, were married in a castle in Versailles over the weekend and the lavish, star-studded festivities (Lance Bass officiated) were covered by People Magazine, proving that with the right sponsorship deals, anything is possible. Ok, so the castle was in Versailles, Kentucky not France and instead of shouting “let them eat cake” to her guests, Brittany probably yodeled “the beer cheese fountain is open, y’all!”. And yes, I hear the chorus of owls “who, who, who, whoooo.. who, who, whooo“-ing a stirring rendition of Beethoven’s 9th symphony. Brittany and Jax are cast members on Vanderpump Rules.
Celebrity wedding season is upon us, and it started off with a whimper with The Prattengger’s biblically sanctioned fruit and vegetable affair. I fully expect Jennifer Lawrence to swing the pendulum in a messier direction by offering her guests BBQ beef ribs with no fork and using personalized whoopee cushions in lieu of place cards. According to People, JLaw’s already picked out her dress and venue for her upcoming first wedding to art dealer Cooke Maroney.
That’s probably how every publication was looking at Chris Pratt’s publicist on Saturday after they heard that he’d gotten married to his girlfriend of about a year, Katherine Schwarzenegger. Because of course we all want to see what kind of wedding they threw together in five months. But also because I don’t believe a famous couple is technically married until we see a professional photo of themselves in wedding outfits, smiling like they’re aggressively testing the limits of their Botox.
We’re but one month away from the kickoff of every Pinterest-loving, The Bachelor-binging sorority girl’s favorite season, wedding season. But one person who won’t be nervously sweating Lady Speed Stick through her gown during wedding season is Zoe Kravitz, because she went ahead and took all the pressure off by secretly getting married to her fiancé Karl Glusman.