At CinemaCon in Las Vegas this week, Sydney Sweeney wasn’t the only blondie in pink everyone had eyes on (and mostly to look to see if she’s got horny cheating hearts in her eyes for co-star Glen Powell), Margot Robbie was there in Pretty in Pink Prada (which included a unibrow for her boobs) to present Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie to theater owners. While looking like Body Wave Perm Ken, Ryan Gosling helped Margot and Greta Gerwig show new footage from their movie. In the new footage, our Barbie Girl’s Barbie World (shout out to Aqua, whose song unsurprisingly isn’t in the Barbie movie at all) is turned upside down when things (SPOILER ALERT) start to go wrong for her in BarbieLand, and she has to contemplate life in the real world and death. Barbie gets deep.
Last week, I posted about the trailer for Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. And this week, I’m posting about Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. But unlike Asteroid City, the Barbie movie is low on twee pretentiousness and high on Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest (note to Wes Anderson: if you want to make Asteroid City more watchable, include a shot of Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest in the final cut). In December, we got one Barbie teaser trailer, and today, they released teaser #2. I guess they just keep sticking the tip in. Well, as much as a flat-crotch’d plastic doll can stick the tip in.
And on top of the second teaser trailer, we got tons upon tons of character posters, including Michael Cera as Ken’s ginger friend Allan. FINALLY, Allan is getting his time in the shine, but did they really have to make him look like a sleazy frat boy turned sleazy investment banker?! Allan might be a Murdough.
In 2016 they offered us a live-action Barbie movie starring Amy Schumer and we said, “lol. No, thanks.” “Fine, Anne Hathatawy?,” they asked, and it being 2017 we said “look, we’re still trying to recover from Les Mis. Please leave us alone.” Then, like a year later, they said, “well, how about if Greta Gerwig writes and directs?” and we said, “whatever dudes, You do you.” Then they came back with “OK, so Greta’s definitely in and we are thinking Margot Robbie as Barbie? We getting warmer?” and we said, “we’re listening.” Then they said “Great! And as a reward for your patience, how about we give you Ryan Gosling as Ken” and we said “lol. OK, well in that case…”
If 2017 was the year all the handsy bathrobe-wrapped assholes in Hollywood were publicly outed, then it looks like 2018 is the year where women officially stop having to put up with it. It’s retribution time in Hollywood. 300 actresses, agents, writers, directors, producers, and entertainment executives recently took out an ad in The New York Times announcing an initiative to fight sexual harassment in Hollywood and workplaces nationwide.
Sure, dried drop of urethral pus Donald Trump mouth shat up another batshit crazy dingle today when he called for Russia to hack Hillary Clinton, but here at Dlisted, we only post about the most important political news, so here’s the video of a bunch of famous and famous-esque people singing Rachel Platten’s little-known, unheard pop single “Fight Song.”
Jabba the Trump had the USA Freedom Kids (whose manager is threatening to throw a lawsuit at the Trump campaign for violating an agreement) and Hillary Clinton has a bunch of celebrities singing “Fight Song” on the old set of The Branchy Bunch’s intro. The Los Angeles Times says that Elizabeth Banks put together as many pro-Hillary celebs as she could to sing in a video for the DNC. The likes of Aisha Tyler, Mandy Moore, Rob Reiner, Connie Britton, Kathy Najimy, Julie Bowen, Hana Mae Lee, America Ferrera, John Michael Higgins, Kristen Chenoweth, Idina Menzel, Billy Porter, Sia, Dollar Tree Victorian cameo Jaime King (who really, really took it seriously) and a bunch of others warbled out a cover of “Fight Song” that made my face contort into the cringe position. I cringed, cringed and cringed some more.
For the first minute, I thought to myself, “You all are NOT helping!”, but that all changed when the music stopped and Jane Fonda talk-sang for her life!
Leave it to Jane Fonda to save it all. But if you watched that video above, you know that Jane wasn’t the only one who really delivered. About 90 seconds in, Ellen Greene (aka Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors) popped up in impeccable Louise Brooks cosplay and delivered a stirring, raw and melodramatic re-telling of “Fight Song.” That is how it’s done.
God, I love theater people.
Justin Theroux was nominated for Best Actor in a Drama Series at the Critics’ Choice Awards last night (SPOILER: He lost to Rami Malek) and he brought his wedded piece Jennifer Aniston as his date. You know, I was going to hate on Jennifer Aniston’s peek-a-cooch dress for looking like two dusty retirement home curtains sewn together by an impatient frog with arthritis, but I’m not going to. I mean, it’s obvious that she went through a whole lot to be there.
When Jennifer Aniston first got to the Critics’ Choice Awards, she got out of the car while wearing her original dress and when she took three steps, a pack of asshole wolves (probably die-hard members of Team Jolie who won’t let go) smelled the Baby Alive food that she spilled on herself and they tore her outfit into a million pieces. She had to run her naked ass into the nearest store, which happened to be a David’s Bridal. Aniston quickly bought a factory-defective clearance rack bridesmaid dress and as she made her way back to the Critics’ Choice Awards, that goddamn pack of wolves jumped her again and tore her new dress in two. Aniston ran into a Rite-Aid where she bought a stapler and sloppily stapled her dress back together. She finally made it to the CCAs and yes, she looked like a raggedy mess, but she suffered through an ordeal and made it!
And when Justin presented on stage, someone was blocking Jennifer’s view and she told that trick to move, bitch, get out the way.
You have to keep an eye on your man at all times because you never know when some hussy harlot whore is going to sweep in and snatch him up. Rude ho. Aniston should’ve pulled a Beanie Baby out of her purse and threw it at their head.
And here’s a million more pictures from the CCAs including some of the return of Julian McMahon!