The “Barbie” Movie Delivered A New Trailer And A Billion Character Posters

April 4, 2023 / Posted by:

Last week, I posted about the trailer for Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. And this week, I’m posting about Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. But unlike Asteroid City, the Barbie movie is low on twee pretentiousness and high on Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest (note to Wes Anderson: if you want to make Asteroid City more watchable, include a shot of Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest in the final cut). In December, we got one Barbie teaser trailer, and today, they released teaser #2. I guess they just keep sticking the tip in. Well, as much as a flat-crotch’d plastic doll can stick the tip in.

And on top of the second teaser trailer, we got tons upon tons of character posters, including Michael Cera as Ken’s ginger friend Allan. FINALLY, Allan is getting his time in the shine, but did they really have to make him look like a sleazy frat boy turned sleazy investment banker?! Allan might be a Murdough.

The Barbie movie comes from the mind of Greta Gerwig, who directed it and wrote the script with Noah Baumbach. It comes out on July 21. And it apparently follows Barbie after she gets banished from Barbie Land and tries to make it in the real world. Teaser trailer #2 doesn’t really show much of that, but it shows many of the Barbies and Kens, like Kate McKinnon, who plays the Barbie I stole from my sister and whose hair I butchered using safety scissors and a dream.

Okay, I have one major complaint about that trailer. There’s a ton of Barbies in it, but not one shot of one of the greatest Barbies to ever exist: Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie! Maybe they’re saving Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie for the full trailer. Or maybe Greta Gerwig knows that there’s not a human beautiful or elegant enough to pull off such an iconically gorgeous look. That must be it. A wise artistic choice, Greta!

And here are all 456,999 characters posters. After looking at all the Barbies and all their jobs and then looking at all the Kens and all their non-jobs, I think that the Barbie slogan should be updated to read: You Can Be Anything… Unless You’re A Ken Who Can Only Be Just A Ken!

Pics: Warner Bros.

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