Category: Billy Porter
Open Post: Hosted By The Looks From Billy Porter And Vogue’s Crowdsourced #MetGalaChallenge
The first Tuesday in May should find us oohing and guffawing over our keyboards as we play judge, jury and executioner to the celebs and the looks they served up at the previous day’s Met Gala. It is one of the greatest joys of my admittedly boring life. But of course, this year’s gala was postponed indefinitely due to the coronavirus. So while, miraculously, Jason Derulo still somehow managed to fall down the stairs, we’ve been robbed of an opportunity to make fun of The Kardashians. However, thanks to former and future HSOTD Billy Porter and his #MetGalaChallenge, wherein regular people were invited to recreate looks from years past using only materials they could find in the house, our eyes have something to marvel over that doesn’t involve Ben Affleck holding a sack of dog shit.
Billy Porter’s Fairy Godmother In The “Cinderella” Remake Will Be Genderless
Billy Porter is truly blossoming into commercial stardom, honey. He’s going to be on Jordan Peele‘s Twilight Zone revival, and he’s got the third season of Pose coming out, and he will also be playing the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella, the new musical movie starring Camila Cabello. Although, this Fairy Godmother is going to be genderless. A gender-neutral character in a fairy tale? One Million Moms are going to pull out their two pitchforks (since there’s really two of them)!
Glamour, Thy Name Is Oscars
I’m fucking kidding of course. This year’s Oscars red carpet was about as glamorous as a back alley gluteal augmentation. Not even red carpet darling Billy Porter could save this parade of half-baked ideas which ranged from Saoirse Ronan’s front butt ruffle to Laura Dern’s titty-tassels. The real kicker is that, for reasons I will never accept, Blac Chyna was invited to pose for hundreds of pictures looking like a second string (ok, twelfth string) Cruella de Vil who smothered Cookie Monster with her bosom, skinned him with her talons and used his pelt for this dress. Meanwhile, the cast of Best Picture winning Parasite, were only photographed together in a group. The fuck? At least they let them use the slo-mo cam which is a big improvement on Giuliana Rancic’s (below, go easy on her, she’s dealing with some intestinal distress) Mani-Cam of yore.
Billy Porter Hits Back At Those Who Are Mad He Wore His Oscar Gown On “Sesame Street”
It’s time for another round of: “Contempt For Homosexuals Disguised As Concern For Children”! Yay! Billy Porter shot an upcoming guest appearance on Sesame Street, and in it, he wears the HSOTM gown he wore to last year’s Oscars. And Billy is so gracious that he shared a fraction of his fabulosity with the children. Well, that choice was roasted by a Conservative senator and other homophobes who are worried about children being exposed to men in dresses on a show where a grouch lives in a garbage can, a blue furry creature survives on a diet of cookies, and a vampire teaches simple mathematics. The horror!
Taron Egerton Is In Talks To Play Seymour In A Movie Remake Of “Little Shop Of Horrors”
Rick Moranis starred opposite Ellen Greene in the 1986 movie adaptation of the 1982 Off-Broadway musical Little Shop Of Horrors which was based on the 1960 non-musical movie. Rick played Seymour Krelborn, a bespectacled schlub who falls in love with a woman named Audrey and learns some hard life lessons from a man-eating plant from outer space (Audrey II) . It’s a perfect movie which means it’s time to remake it only worse. So suddenly, Seymour is up for grabs again. It was once rumored that Josh Gad and Rebel Wilson were going to star in a remake, and then there was the rumor that Lady Gaga was going to play Audrey. And now according to Full Circle Cinema, Taron Egerton is in talks to star as Seymour. Which, fine, after Rocketman we know he can hold a tune and pull off glasses. What is more distressing is that Scarlet Johansson is in talks to play Audrey. Frankly, I’m not sure she has the (vocal) range. And, since she wants to be free to play flora so badly, I would like to see her audition for the role of Audry II instead.
The 2020 Critics Chose Their Choices For Their Awards
Award season turned onwards as the 2020 Critics Choice came in to give away all the awards which have been given by the “critics”. Of course in today’s social media age a critic is just someone with a wi-fi connection, but these critics in particular are like special, or something–so you better listen up because I’m gonna tell you who won and so they’re blessed for the coming year with a boost to their paychecks and asking-potential. Also I’m gonna comment on their clothing choices–Journalism!