Category: Jonathan Groff

Jonathan Groff Wrote A Glowing Tribute To Lea Michele For Variety

October 12, 2022 / Posted by:

I guess the anatomy lessons Lea Michelle gave to Jonathan Groff back in their Spring Awakenings days must have included a skills lab on kissing ass because here he is years later teaching a master class on the subject. As we know, right now Lea’s the talk of the town with her turn as Fanny Bryce in Funny Girl, having taken over the role from Beanie Feldstein who was having difficulties getting butts in seats even once, let alone the multiple times a night Lea gets their asses clapping in standing ovation. As for her own ass, which got handed to her last year by scores of former coworkers who reported her shitty behavior with much glee, Jonathan’s buffed it to a glossy shine with his lips by penning a “tribute” for Variety in which he all but credits Lea for single-handedly saving Broadway, and by extension New York City itself. Which leads me to ask, what the hell did Jonathan see when he looked inside Lea’s pussy? Was it God?

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Lea Michele Got Several Standing Ovations During Her Opening Night In Broadway’s “Funny Girl”

September 7, 2022 / Posted by:

You back there! I see you. You’re not standing, bitch. Groff, grab my prunes, a wig needs shitting in.

After successfully praying at her altar to the dark Gods for Beanie Feldstein’s downfall, Lea Michele made her debut as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway last night, and apparently, it was a success. And it was such a success that Lea reportedly got seven standing ovations. Although, the audience was filled with her friends and past co-workers like Jonathan Groff, Ryan Murphy, Drew Barrymore, Lee Pace, Zachary Quinto, and many theater people like Harvey Fierstein. So they had to stand or Lea Michele would get their asses! And Lea probably made her assistant hide electro shock pads on each chair and trigger that shit every time Lea wanted a standing O. But still, Lea is now out of the cancel corner and is back! And I’m sure that her power bars of evil are quickly recharging as Jonathan Groff reads her all the words of praise for her performance this morning.

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Open Post: Hosted By Jamie Lee Curtis Reminding Lea Michele That She Hasn’t Won A Tony

July 31, 2022 / Posted by:

Broadway’s newest Funny Girl and enemy of the people, Lea Michele is riding high after all the positive buzz around her assumption of the lead role. Rumors swirled for some time that Lea would take over from Beanie Feldstein, who unfortunately wasn’t really winning over audiences with her interpretation of Fanny Brice, and after years of work and multiple voodoo curses, Lea finally got the role of her dreams. With scalpers making a mint on Lea’s upcoming debut, it’s safe to say that she’s probably loving every minute of attention. But with that attention comes criticism (and not just from former Glee co-star Samantha Ware). Jamie Lee Curtis (huh??) shaded Lea in Jamie’s podcast, Good Friend. The clip is from 2021 but it’s never too old for a gold ole’ fashioned Lea Michele diss. Jessica Lange knows what I’m talking about!

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Lea Michele Let Jonathan Groff Look At Her Vagina With A Lamp And Offered To Carry His Baby If He Wants One

April 25, 2022 / Posted by:

Lea Michele’s no longer HEAVILY PREGNANT as she was the summer of 2020 when seemingly everybody who had ever crossed paths with her professionally had some shit to say about her diva behavior. But even though I know I’ll personally never forget that she allegedly threatened to shit in Samantha Ware’s wig on the set of Glee, HBO has decided it’s time to let Lea out of detention since she’s got a documentary marking the 15th anniversary of the Broadway musical Spring Awakenings to promote with her costar and long-time BFF Jonathan Groff. Jonathan stood by her side through the worst of those dark days and how does she repay him now that she’s back in the spotlight? By reworking a passage from The Vagina Monologues and performing it in his honor. According to Entertainment Weekly, in the documentary, “out of nowhere,” Lea blabbed that she once let Jonathan, who is gay, get all up in her pussy with a lamp to see what it looked like. Yes, even Lea’s pussy is a whore for the spotlight!

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Alexandra Grant Joined Keanu Reeves In Berlin Where He’s Shooting “Matrix 4”

June 24, 2020 / Posted by:

Psst, I got what you need. I heard you were looking for some of that good wholesome content. And it’s not that nasty shit they’re cutting with blackface and coronavirus or whatever. I got the pure shit, straight from the streets of Berlin. According to Us Weekly, Keanu Reeves was photographed giggling with his girlfriend Alexandra Grant as filming on Matrix 4 resumed in Berlin. I know, right! Giggling? In this economy?!?

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Taron Egerton Is In Talks To Play Seymour In A Movie Remake Of “Little Shop Of Horrors”

January 31, 2020 / Posted by:

Rick Moranis starred opposite Ellen Greene in the 1986 movie adaptation of the 1982 Off-Broadway musical Little Shop Of Horrors which was based on the 1960 non-musical movie. Rick played Seymour Krelborn, a bespectacled schlub who falls in love with a woman named Audrey and learns some hard life lessons from a man-eating plant from outer space (Audrey II) . It’s a perfect movie which means it’s time to remake it only worse. So suddenly, Seymour is up for grabs again. It was once rumored that Josh Gad and Rebel Wilson were going to star in a remake, and then there was the rumor that Lady Gaga was going to play Audrey. And now according to Full Circle Cinema, Taron Egerton is in talks to star as Seymour. Which, fine, after Rocketman we know he can hold a tune and pull off glasses. What is more distressing is that Scarlet Johansson is in talks to play Audrey. Frankly, I’m not sure she has the (vocal) range. And, since she wants to be free to play flora so badly, I would like to see her audition for the role of Audry II instead.

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